Tag Archives: mental-health

Top 5 Guaranteed Ways To Increase Your Success With Any Woman

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Although it’s  late Happy New Year everyone, I hope you all are entering the new year in good spirits. I want to go ahead and start 2015 off on the right foot and what better way than to give you guys some highly guarded tips on how to improve your relations with any woman. Whether you are 15 or 51, you can apply these methods immediately and even get results the same day. Keep in mind these are the things dating coaches charge you up to $3,000 to learn and no I’m not kidding. So put your wallets away because The Nice Guy has got you covered.

Become High Maintenance

This one seems pretty easy but it’s pretty difficult. It’s important to keep your body in tip top shape. Looking and feeling good is naturally attractive to all women so keep yourself clean, fit, and dressed relatively well. If you have clothes that don’t compliment your frame you should throw them away, if you aren’t confident about your body then exercise, and it doesn’t stop there. Start viewing yourself under a microscope, keep track of anything you don’t like and make a real effort to correct them.

Draw A Line In The Sand

Setting boundaries is important in all aspects of life, but it’s extremely important when dealing with women who are currently or want to be in your life. This is because women love to test a man’s resolve and see just how much of a pushover he really is. Confront her when she crosses a line and be clear about your expectations in the future. Doing this commands respect and will put the woman in a more passive or submissive position when she interacts with you.

There Can Be More Than One

Women know they have you wrapped around their finger when you treat them like they are the last living female in existence. 99.9% of men are horribly guilty of this and for some odd reason continue to behave in this manner. Good looking women are a dime a dozen, if you pass one on the street a few minutes later you will see another. Subtle ways to let a woman in your life know she’s not all that is by checking out other women, chatting, flirting, making comments. Now you may have heard that women hate it when men they know check out other women and it’s true. That’s because their attention is being given to someone else. Use that to your advantage.

Be Decisive All The Time

A man should always know what he wants to do in any given situation. Now a days you have what I like to call the “Shruggers”, you know. The kind of guy that gets asked a question and their reply is a shoulder shrug and a “I don’t know”, I don’t care” or “It’s up to you”. It’s an extremely bad habit that most men have adopted over the last few decades and it not only kills a woman’s natural attraction to you but it’s a strong sign that you lack self confidence in your actions. I’m actually willing to bet that if you are an indecisive male you have your fair share of controlling and overbearing women in your life. Ring a bell?

Learn To Say No

With all the feminist upbringing I know for a fact all men reading this have the damnedest time saying no to women when it comes to anything. Let me tell you the biggest secret in the world right now. Saying “No” to a woman drives them crazy. Why? Simply because they are not used to being turned away by males. Learning to say no gives you all the power in the world when it comes to any woman in your life be in your girlfriend, friend, sex buddy, even your own mother. This is by far the hardest tip to learn and will take some serious time to learn. To help you learn this faster I recommend reading No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A Glover. I guarantee while you are reading it you will feel as if the author made this book specifically for you.

I have no doubts that doing the things listed above will immediately increase your success with women in general. There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man that can’t be manipulated, is well kept and isn’t afraid to walk away from a pretty face. The man that isn’t swayed by the influences of women is the man that can have any woman he chooses. I like that because it’s so true. Until next time guys.

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Nice Guys : Pedestaling & You

Image Credit : zahodi-vgosti.ru

Hello nice guys(and gals), today I have a bit of a treat post for you. Truth be told this subject has been on my mind since last week and I knew instantly that it was going to be my next post’s topic. Today’s topic is about pedestaling, what it is, why you shouldn’t do it and how it changes you for the worse.

We’ve all placed women on a pedestal at some point in time of our lives, but the average nice guy has a terrible tendency to do this on a regular basis. Now I’m not saying it’s wrong to be polite to the opposite sex but that is where you should probably draw the line. In this post I have a strange story of how a nice guy takes putting women on a pedestal to the extreme. His post is rather long so I will be cutting it up for the sake of length.

Our nice guy’s name is Thomas, he’s been married to his wife for five years but as of late things haven’t been all rainbows and sunshine. Thomas says:

Several months ago, we were at a low point in our marriage. I was always busy with work and didn’t spend enough time with her. She felt that we were becoming distant. Many arguments arose and our love in one another felt like it was dwindling. At this time, I had to go away on a business trip for the weekend. My wife was alone at home, with our problems unresolved, and felt empty. She sought to ease the pain with alcohol at a local bar. In a moment of weakness, she had an affair with one of the patrons. Immediately, the next morning, she called me in tears and told me what happened. I felt anger, betrayal, and sorrow, and found myself unable to deal with the situation. I couldn’t talk my precious wife for days.

Immediately, the next morning, she called me in tears and told me what happened. I felt anger, betrayal, and sorrow, and found myself unable to deal with the situation. I couldn’t talk my precious wife for days.At this point, our marriage was greater than it’s ever been. However, a life changing issue has arisen in past two weeks. My wife had been feeling sick and no common medicine seemed to help. As time went by, she began to question if perhaps her ills were a result of a pregnancy. Sure enough, we went to her doctor and he confirmed that my wife was now 9 weeks pregnant. A realization hit the both of us that given the timing, there was no chance that I could be the father. Therefore the pregnancy was the result of my wife’s affair. The news broke her heart, and has left me in a state of depression. Once again, the feelings of anger and betrayal arose, leaving me distant from my wife.

At this point, I’m not sure what to do. Horrible thoughts of divorce and abortion enter my mind every day, and I’m trying my best to suppress them. I have fears that if we have this child together, I might resent him/her. The man my wife had the affair with was African American, while she and I are both Caucasian. This presents another fear as it would be clear to the child that I’m not the true father. How would I explain this to him/her? How would I explain this to others? Many thoughts keep passing through my mind, and I don’t know what to do. I feel alone, both emotionally and spiritually, and am questioning why God has allowed this to happen.”

Now dealing with a cheating partner is never easy, and it’s especially difficult being a nice guy. After reading Tom’s plea I can’t help but think he has this woman on a pedestal and no matter what she does wrong he can’t seem to knock her off. Notice how Tom seems to blame himself for his wife’s actions, and down right says he has no right to judge her! The reason I’m choosing Tom’s story is not because it’s the worst I’ve ever seen but the least extreme.

This poor guy is essentially apologizing for something his wife did to him and blaming it on everyone except the person who did the wrong doing. This is the end result of pedestaling guys, it completely destroys your perception and makes you lose focus of what’s going on around you. Let’s break down the effects to be clear guys.

The Causes:

What causes a guy to literally go blind(love is blind? see what I did there?) when in the presence of a woman? Great question, here are a few  answers.

  • Because you mom said so: In today’s world most parent/s teach their men in training to  always respect women and be nice to them.
  • Reward: For some strange reason nice guys think that if they trip over themselves with the sole purpose of making a woman happy that it will some how land them together. Guys it’s a lot more complicated than that and I promise in another post I’ll break it down for you.
  • Attention: Nice guys hate being ignored by someone that they like. It makes them sad, depressed, and mad at the world. They will do anything to get rid of those feelings.

The Effects:

  • She can’t do anything wrong: Having a woman on a pedestal makes you paint them in a perfect light, so perfect in fact that if she did anything wrong it wouldn’t even register in your brain. Enter Tom…
  • You are no longer important: You stop looking out for number one, and just look after her. Again this makes you lose focus on what is really going on in your relationship. Tom again…
  • Everything is your fault: If she leaves you or hooks up with someone else. Some how it turns out to be your fault and your fault alone.

In conclusion guys you really need to step back and see if you have adopted any of the symptoms above and if you have you seriously need to reverse the process before you end up like Thomas. A middle aged man that has been married to a wife that had an affair and is carrying a baby that isn’t his. Somewhere in Tom’s mind she didn’t do anything wrong, and he has no right to judge her. Nice guys this is your fate if you don’t stop putting women you are attracted to on a pedestal. Stay tuned for net week’s post as always comments, questions, complaints, concerns, and confessions are welcome!

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Nice Guys : The M.G.T.O.W Movement & You

Guy-on-Cliff

Over the past few decades it seems that men and women have been secretly waging war against the opposite sex and if you’ve been living under a rock like I have this post will be of news to you! Yes ladies and gentlemen the battle of the sexes have officially boiled over and nice guys around the world are officially done. Wait? What exactly do you mean “done”? They can’t just be “done”! Well apparently  nice guys and men in general have formed a movement called M.G.T.O.W (Men Going Their Own Way). In this post I’d like to go into detail about the movement, what it means, and most of all why it was created in the first place.

So one might ask ” What exactly has so many guys so pissed off? “, Well I went ahead and did some homework (literally a years worth) I joined the movement in January of 2013. I literally felt like a war journalist tagging along with a special military unit for a week in the jungles of Nam. Now don’t get me wrong at no point in time of my journalism was I shot at but I often did come under fire. So what exactly is M.G.T.O.W movement and what exactly does it mean to be a part of it?

Well the M.G.T.O.W movement is basically a group of men that are literally tired of the world they live in. What does this mean? Basically I have complied a rather long list on what has brought so many of the nice guy army into this movement but for the sake of time I’ve toned it down to .  Here are the top  reasons men join M.G.T.O.W:

  • Rules : We’ve all seen it. In today’s age there are so many rules to dating, relationships, marriage, and even how to interact with the opposite sex. While normally I’d think this doesn’t actually make too much sense because any individual that is their own person would totally ignore all these “rules” and just be themselves. However my knowledge in psychology also knows that the average woman is 98% more likely to listen the popular opinion instead of make up their own mind. Yes it’s true look it up.
  • Feminism : This one wasn’t a big surprise but when I spoke to a lot of the married/divorced guys in the group I was shocked.  Over the past few years feminism has definitely stacked the deck against men when it comes to everything from simple interaction with women to marriage. It’s been considered one of the biggest things that have ruined relationships between men and women. There is so much more to talk about with this reason but I have to do it in another post!
  • RE-Education : Men feel that the past and current generations of males have brainwashed by today’s society to be weak, docile, and ultimately controlled by anything in a skirt. This was honestly a shock to the system because I actually felt like everything I taught guys over the years actually paid off! For years I’ve coached guy to be their own individual and it just seemed like they all gathered together here in the M.G.T.O.W camp.
  • Support : Let’s be honest here if you don’t have any support system in your life your kind of S.O.L. The men of M.G.T.O.W are there for you bro. Regardless of what you need help with, it’s gone from dating, to entrepreneurship, to help fixing your blender!  In all honestly I’m impressed with the amount of support members  give to each other.

The Veridct

So nice guys by now you probably have a few questions and to sum them all up it probably translates into “Should I become part of this movement and if so how does it work?” Well guys I will be brutal here. In my time with M.G.T.O.W I can’t say I learned too much that I didn’t already know. However I would say that if you are the type of guy that seriously struggles when it comes to women. I’d strongly suggest you take a look at what a lot of these guys have to say. There are guys that have been through divorces and are helping others get through theirs with incredible expert and accurate advice. I even ended up teaching a lot of the younger crowd about women so they avoid the oh so many mistakes they would of made without the movement involved in their lives.

Also keep in mind while ultimately this is something that would be a healthy addition to any man’s life be warned that supporters of the movement can come under fire by some seriously angry individuals. Will you get into a fist fight? Probably not but you will have your fair share of keyboard warriors that will fight tooth and nail with you online as if they where in a boxing match with Mike Tyson and the stakes where their very lives. One other thing I’d warn new comers about is the fact that it’s difficult in the first few months. The things you’ll learn will be hard to swallow(Just ask Luke), and lots of guys hearing it for the first time can be a little scary. I mean imagine a total stranger telling you everything that’s wrong with you to such a degree you’d swear they have you on a hidden camera somewhere. Yeah it’s that intense, but all in all I’d say give it a shot. Joining is as simple as searching the term online, for those that use reddit it’s even easier “/r/MGTOW“.

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Nice Guys: How (NOT) To Be A Sucker

Happy New Year gang it’s been over a month without any of my witty rants or words of wisdom. So today I figured I’d drop in to let you guys in on something that can ultimately lead to less hassles with the opposite sex. That something is how to refrain from being tagged as a sucker. Now some of you may know exactly what I am talking about and that’s awesome but for the remainder of you that are wondering what exactly constitutes the sucker label I will go into a bit of detail just for you.

What is a sucker?

To be blunt it’s a person that is extremely gullible beyond belief. In fact said person is so easily duped that it may seem like he is mentally deprived…stupid I think they call it. These kinds of guys do anything and everything for a woman’s amusement at their own expense. Why do they do it? Not even I know, but I do know it needs to stop.

Marco writes:

“So I’ve been casually dating this girl who is perhaps out of my league for a couple weeks now. By casual I mean she is upfront to me about seeing other guys (2 others) besides me. We’re not “exclusive”.
Anycase, we haven’t been physical yet…despite me wanting it badly and trying to coax her to bed nearly every night I see her. The more she resists and puts it off the more I want it. But in the meantime she has admitted to me that she has already slept with one of her other usual dates whom she has known for less than a week? How come she slept with him already and not me? She admitted to me that they have sex “a few times a week” but that he’s a “casual date” and not right for her “long term”. Am I being played by a woman? Analyze this situation for me. Would appreciate your opinion.”

Ladies and gentlemen this is a shining example of a sucker. I must say this women must be drop dead gorgeous because if any women told me she was dating two other guys and even slept with one with in 7 days of meeting them. I’d be out the door in less than 30 seconds. I mean call me old fashion or straight edge, but “dating” multiple people is probably the biggest fail anyone can achieve. I’ll rant on this in another post I promise because there are a ton of readers messing around with multiple people right now. You know who you are damn it!

Sucker Rehab

So by now you’ve probably realized that you have a problem or maybe you are in the same situation as Marco here (I pray that you are not). There are a few things that  you will have to stick to and at first it will probably be extremely difficult to do but rest assured I believe in you!

  • Realize you’re an idiot: Yes that might seem incredibly cold but until you realize that you are being a jack ass the sooner you will be on the road to recovery. Sure there might be that one time she genuinely needed help changing her tires, but jogging down to the auto zone and purchasing them is a bit much…
  • Learn to say No: I know you’ve probably watched “Yes Man” a million times and are trying to adopt the philosophy in your life but this is not one of those avenues… When addressed with a outrageous request or situation save yourself the trouble and say NO!
  • Have some standards: No standards means you are desperate and will do anything for the slightest bit of attention from a woman. Don’t be this guy. This is something you’d expect from a 12 year old hitting puberty. You’re a grown ass man, so make sure you have some standards in place to let her know you won’t jump through hoops.
  • Stop viewing women as rare occurrences: Women are everywhere! Hell they out number us in population. Try to realize that they aren’t going to mysteriously disappear if you don’t do stupid things for their enjoyment. Yes large breasts, thighs, ass and vagina are wonderful things. However it’s hardly a rare sight to behold. If it is for you the internet can take care of that in less than a second.

Now don’t think women don’t have this problem as well. They totally do but men seem to do some of the stupidest things you can imagine while in the warm caress of a woman’s attention and most women know this. So they will have their fun when and if they can at your expense. Men have  a habit of just getting in a woman’s pants when the roles are reversed, not that it excuses them from being douche bags either but at least they won’t put you ladies through some incredibly embarrassing situations.

I love women as much as the next guy. I like their company and I like to have intelligent conversations with the pretty ones. However I don’t believe I need to jump through hoops, perform tricks, or exert my manliness to get these things and if I get a hint of needing to do that with specific women I don’t waste my time and neither should you! Take this advice seriously, while I made a few jokes to lighten the mood so to speak doesn’t mean there isn’t any meaning to what I’m saying. Marco already knows the deal, and he is well on his way to being a better nice guy. Till next time guys which will be this month as I want to post a lot more because some of the stories I have to share are awesome in more ways than one.

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Nice Guys: Are You A Loser?

Hello everyone and welcome to November! I know it’s the last day of the month, but  give me a bit of a break here. I’ve been dealing with category 5 hurricanes, Thanks Giving with family, and life in general. Speaking of life in general I wanted to go ahead and discuss a very important topic. That topic is that question all of us ask our selves at some point in time.

“Am I a loser?

I’ve been reading the stories (way too many of them) and it makes me feel terrible that so many people are struggling with this question. Normally I have on that really sticks out in my mind but there are literally a handful that just make me wonder where these people are going to end up. Just know that if you feel like you are a loser this post is dedicated to you and your struggle and I hope it helps you in some kind of way.

Answering The Question

It’s never an easy question to answer, in fact it’s down right impossible because there is a part of you that is beyond bias and hates your guts. You see these kinds of questions pop up in one of two scenarios, bullying or self loathing. Neither of which are better than the other as they both lead to depression, isolation, apathy, and even suicide. The scenarios are tough to get through, and even tougher to identify and take action against. Are you being bullied or do you just hate yourself that much? Can it possibly be both?

Bullying:

Bullying has evolved over the past century from simple teasing at the play ground between children to indirect comments between adults. While children can be cruel, I’m afraid adults can be a bit more callous and cold especially in the kind of world we live in today. It’s not all rainbows and cupcakes out here. As an adult, boy friend, husband, etc so much is expected of us that when we don’t deliver we are deemed useless. The stigma of being a “nice guy” or “the 30 year old in their parent’s basement” all of these things can drive a person in these categories insane.

I think what people fail to realize is that we aren’t all given the same chances, even if we want to believe that it’s true. If you feel that everyone one has the same chance to be something go to a third world country and tell that starving kid to grow his or her own food,  go tell that homeless man on the street to get a job even though he is missing a leg, tell that guy in his parent’s basement to be somebody when he is trying is damnedest not to live a mediocre life.

It’s easy to tell others where their faults are, and what they should do. Until you step foot into their shoes. You can’t tell someone that is suffering that they will be fine until you go through that same pain. If you are one of those people that often make those comments, you should think about what you are saying and who you are effecting by saying it.

Self Loathing:

At some time or another I am sure we have all been hard on ourselves because of something. For some people it’s a bit more extreme then a simple internal berating. I personally still struggle with it because I am one of those guys that can’t stand to lose or get the short end of the stick. I used to always get down on myself about how I should of been faster, stronger, smarter, what ever. For a time I used to think that method pushed people to improve but in reality it can do just the opposite.

When you are always on the losing end and you get angry at yourself. You are more likely to flat out quit or develop a apathetic outlook on whatever new projects you undertake. This goes for relationships as well. Men and women alike who where always on the receiving end of a bad break up usually if not always have a very poor outlook on the next relationship and don’t put in what they should so they don’t get hurt. It’s a difficult thing to fix, but the first step always start with forgiving yourself in some way.

I feel this post was kind of all over the place (all the stories I read I wanted to address), but I was able to get out what I wanted to. To answer your questions about whether or not you are a loser, my answer is definitely not. Do your best to change what you don’t like, even if it feels hopeless. Take time away if you need to refresh your battery and get back to it. Never quit.

 

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Nice Guys: Do Supportive Women Exist?

Hello gang, after a month long hiatus on the nice guy blue print (been really busy starting up my business) I wanted to address a serious topic that had me well.. pretty much pissed off the entire afternoon. Now we know the people in the world can be an extremely cruel but what happens when it’s the people you actually rely on most that are the problem? In today’s post I want to address a few questions asked by the countless nice guys out there that are wondering.

“Do supportive women exist and if so where are they?

In my experiences and observations I will say that there are supportive women out there. HOWEVER, there seems to be a rather large catch. As long as your goals, needs, whatever is in line with hers. She will be there. The unfortunate news however is once those goals don’t meet with her lifestyle she may leave you high and dry.

Now of course you have your famous isolated incidents like Mechelle Obama sticking by her husband through thick and thin. However you need to remember we are talking about average women. Women who don’t look at the heart, soul, and dedication you have. They want to know what you can do for them right now as opposed  to what they are willing to stick through. In many professional debates I have almost always heard the women say “I can’t wait for a guy to get his act together.” and for most men that is an instant turn off. It shows selfishness and conceit. No man wants to drop their goals and dreams for a woman who is all about them.

In fact that mentality has cause such a rift between men and women that it’s almost impossible to from a genuine relationship because you don’t really know what the woman is after until she leaves. While I believe true love and real women are out there, I don’t want to kid you guys about your chances of finding it. I’m not saying date every chick that you can, because if you did it would mean you have no idea what you want in a woman. You know what you like, be her friend first and really listen to what she says and watch what she does. It’s very easy to read an individual. Just don’t be distracted by a pretty face, shapely body and sweet demeanor.

Always be yourself, and never be afraid to disagree with a view, opinion, of belief. Not to do so is trying to force yourself to fit into another person’s life and that should happen naturally. If you do this you can easily spot a supportive woman and treat them like they deserve. As for the others…who cares?

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Nice Guys: Is Money The Real Key To A Woman’s Heart?

They say the key to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but is the key to a woman’s heart through your wallet? While some women may find it offensive to assume such a thing. Most if not all men wonder at some point in time of their relationships if they object of their affection only hangs around because of a strong financial base. So today I am going to shed some light on the subject since the question keeps popping up.

The Real Deal…

Sure some women like a good looking guy, most women like a guys that take charge, but all women love a man with money. Before you get ahead of this lesson let me say that a woman’s opinion on financially stable varies depending on the type of lady you are dealing with.

For example a woman that makes twenty grand a year and dates a man whom makes between thirty or forty per year may feel she’s hit the jackpot. Others may feel that’s simply too low.

So your next question is (if you are with someone) “Does she like me because of my income.” I am gonna be blunt and say yes it does play a bigger role than you may think.

Fun Facts…

I know some of the female readers are probably scowling at my entry but I assure you I am only trying to enlighten and educate the nice guys before they end up getting themselves hurt. Now whether or not you agree, you can’t beat scientific studies. The boys over in Austria have done a clinical study on what exactly attracts a woman to a man and this is what they found.

  • Money Can Buy Love : looks, personality, and treatment mean very little to a woman as long as the man has deep pockets. This means if you are the most grotesque creature on the planet but you have money to burn. It turns you into the catch of the day. How is this possible? It’s Magic.
  • Your Car Makes You Look Good: If you own a top of the line vehicle that actually increases you chances of scoring a babe. Yes it’s totally disgusting I know, but it’s a fact.  I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.
  • Your Salary Increases Attraction: If your salary exceeds hers, then she will stick around for the long haul. In addition women are more likely to leave a man who has unexpectedly lost hos job. Yup… like rats fleeing a rapidly sinking ship.

All in all, it comes down to your wallet guys. If your pockets aren’t deep enough, you won’t get the time of day unless you have been blatantly lying to get into her pants (Which is pretty low).

Protect Yourself…

By now you are probably wondering exactly how you can filter out the real love interests from the fake ones. While there is no fool proof way to screen potential girlfriends/wives (cause lets face it women are extremely good at lying) I do have a few tips and tricks you can start using from now on to see where her real interests lay.

  1. Don’t Speak Of It: Never speak of your financial situations whether you hit the lotto or the IRS sent you a nasty letter in the mail. Remember you want this woman to get to know you, not your wallet.
  2. Business & Pleasure Don’t Mix: Never speak about what you do, where you do it, and how much you make doing it. If she knows what you do for a living, then she knows how much you make. You don’t want that to be the reason this woman stays or goes.
  3. Keep Financial Documents Hidden: From bonds to ATM receipts. You want to keep those things away from prying eyes, and wondering hands. I myself have caught women sneaking a peek at my ATM receipts since it tells you how much cash you have in your account.
  4. Don’t Be A Wheel Man: If you are riding high, make sure you don’t become an errand boy. In my experiences a lot of women call if they don’t have a ride somewhere. Those types of women should make you sick. Make sure they know there is a lot more to you than a ride.
  5. Keep Family & Friends In The Know: If she can’t get info from you than she will go to friends or family. Inform them that they are never to discuss what you do for a living. EVER. Feel free to tell them the reason, I am sure they will quickly understand.

There you have it guys. The ugly truth that is a key to a woman’s heart, and if I may I’d like to say. If you are a guy that uses money to get with a woman it may be time to wake up and realize that you are being used for your money, your car, and your status. It would probably be easier to have a prostitute in your life, because the risks are pretty much the same in the dating world (go figure huh?). To the ladies, if this is you method of finding Mr.Right I gotta say you should probably change your approach…immediately. Till next time guys.

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Nice Guys: Dealing With A Break Up

Break ups are probably the very bane of the heart. We meet someone, get to know them, develop feelings, think everything is fine, and take our hearts and proceed to the closest and dirtiest trash receptacle. Unfortunately if you where really into the relationship then chances are you are taking it very hard.

Trevor asks:

Ok so me and my girlfriend (ex) of 3 years just broke, up with really no reason, I’m afraid she found someone different, I am so heartbroken it kills me, I’m 18 and shes 19 and what bothers me is the thought of her having sex with someone else, just because of how I knew she acted during sex or the things she said to really make you feel like she loved you…. I feel so broken and need some tips. -Trevor

Trevor believe me when I say I know how awful you must feel currently and I must say if this is someone you consider your true love then there isn’t a whole lot you can really do to erase her from existence. However I will do my best to help you and other readers with some decent tips to not some much get over your ex but to accept that they are gone.

The 5 Steps…

Everyone who goes through a painful break up takes what I like to call rehab. I call it rehab because in essence your ex has become a drug of sorts and now that they supply has run dry you are left to fend for yourself. Here is a brief description of each step.

  • Denial & Isolation: The first stage is always the hardest. You can’t believe shes gone and you don’t want to do anything unless it’s with her which isn’t going to happen unless she some how realizes she made a mistake.
  • Anger & Frustration: Anger usually ensues after you find that they are doing just fine without you or that you simply can’t get the person from your mind. This stage can last months and make you more irritable in general. Basically you might end up flipping a table over because your favorite TV show isn’t coming on…
  • Negotiation: This is a pretty crucial stage. Here is when you start trying to negotiate your way back into your ex’s life so that you can get your “fix”. Unfortunately it is counter productive and can last a few weeks
  • Depression: I know what you are thinking “But I’m already depressed.” Well get ready for even more of it because once negotiations fail then you really start to get down on yourself and hit rock bottom. WARNING: You can get stuck in this stage.
  • Acceptance: The very final step of rehab and the hardest one to get to. However this is the step I will try to get you to (hopefully in less time).

Dealing With It…

One does not simply deal with a break up. One really has to embrace it as it was a long lost brother that they don’t really want to hug but must simply out of formality. Below I have a few rules and guidelines that should help you through the 5 steps in a moderate amount of time without fail. I would say a max of 2 months.

  • Be Sad: Yes, be sad. You just lost someone you care about and if you are going to try and pretend that you don’t give a crap. You will quickly find out that you will have an even harder time getting over her. Take the time to understand your feelings and if someone (even your ex) asks how you are feeling be honest about it. Don’t try and be some sort of tough guy. I’m not saying to cry with snot running down your face or anything but voice your opinion in a neutral manner.
  • Stay Off The Ex Radar: I highly doubt you want to find out that your ex is happy with someone else, so don’t try to look them up, meet with them, or contact them. Yes I know this is extremely difficult but it’s better to leave them in the dark so they can have the opportunity to miss you and realize they let something good go.
  • Hang Out Often: Although you probably don’t feel like being a social butterfly right now, you should probably take the initiative and hang out.I would highly recommend some kind of event that involves a large amount of people. Football games actually work great.
  • Listen To Music: Listening to music can help you get those emotions out of your system. We often have a terrible habit of holding on to what we are feeling without some kind of release. This of course is incredibly unhealthy so much can be a bit of a relief for you.

These are tips and rules I have always used to accept a rather painful break up and I know it won’t steer you wrong. I must insist that you try your best to hang out, and again sporting events are probably one of the best methods.

Heck I will even help you plan ahead! Don’t think about it, just get your hands on some Auburn tigers football tickets , Arkansas razorbacks football tickets , or your personal favorite. Trevor I know you are in Birmingham  so why not go check out the Alabama crimson tide football tickets just to help get your mind off. Hopefully this will help not only Trevor but so many others that are continuing to read along.

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Nice Guys: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

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 Hello to all my favorite readers out there and welcome to August’s first post. I would like to discuss/rant about marriage this evening.  Now before I get on with this rant I would like to say that I really did believe in marriage at one time but my views on it have changed and it may turn some of you off. There I warned you!

Jerry asks:

My girlfriend and i are taking about getting married. We have a year old daughter but I’m not sure about marriage. I feel like she only wants to get married because of our daughter and i don’t thing that is a reason to get married. She told me that’s not true we have been together for 5 years and she needs me to to show how much i am committed to her and prove that i love her. She said she feels like i think of her as nothing more than my girlfriend and mother of my child. I love her but i don’t know if marriage is right it’s a big commitment. I understand her with the years and all but i don’t know if I’m ready for marriage. Should we get married or not?”

 In my personal opinion it sounds like if you where to get married tomorrow you would probably pull your hair out. Marriage is a very big step in both of your lives and I feel if both people really love each other than why not?

However I am just not getting that from you currently. I am going to give you some things to really consider when it comes to getting hitched.

Consider for just a moment…

  1. Ten Years From Now: If you can see yourself with your current partner 10 years from now than that is a good sign for you both to get hitched, however if it all seems fuzzy than I am going to have to say that you shouldn’t tie that knot.
  2. Your Reasoning: Let’s face it. Your reasons for getting hitched determine how long you will be together. If all you have are “She won’t get off my back about it.” Then you won’t get past the first year. Being pressured into anything let alone marriage is a recipe for disaster.
  3. What’s In It For You?: I have to be honest. There is absolutely NO
    benefit for men to get married today. I mean you need to realize whether it works out or not that she gets half of everything you own. You have the option of either breaking even or losing half of what you have.
  4. It’s 50/50: I don’t mean sharing your assets I mean there’s a 50/50 chance it wont work out. What I try to teach anyone I can is that people change their minds every day. Especially women! One day you might be the apple of their eye then the next day you are absolutely nobody and if you have a penis and are reading this right now. You know exactly what I am talking about. Are you willing to go through that?
  5. It’s Expensive: Weddings are freaking expensive. In fact if it was up to the guys, they would get two rings from a prize machine, hire a minister and call it a day. However it has to be this giant spectacle with tons of guests,food, fancy gowns, and theatrics. I was one of the groomsmen in a friends wedding and I had to dance down the isle with one of the brides maids. Both ridiculous and embarrassing but It was for my a good friend. If you are already kind of on a tight budget a ceremony WILL put you in the red.

I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade but I do hope that you can really think about the five points and really see if marriage is the thing for you. Sure it looks and sounds nice in a day dream but the fact of the matter is it’s a serious step in someone’s life. Doing it for all the wrong reasons is just going to ruin the true meaning of it for you.

I personally would love to tie the knot one day because I love the woman I am with and because she loves me too. For me marriage is going to be a one time thing, once I’m married I am staying that way and if for some reason I get divorced than that is all there is to it. It’s just like true love you only get the real experience once everything after that is just a cheap imitation.

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Nice Guys: True Love Fact or Myth?

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I knew this post was going to come one day, actually it was pretty much a guarantee when I decided to put this blog together. Yesterday I came across a few different questions when it came to true love. Some asked if others actively seek true love, others asked if it’s just a fairy tale, and the rest asked if they will ever find it.

While I have my own personal views on love and true love. I won’t pretend that I haven’t had my run ins with this elusive thing. What I hope to accomplish with this post is simply enlightenment for all of you who happen across this post. This post is for the pessimist, the optimist, the cynics, and the skeptics.

What Is True Love?

True love has been defined in many different forms both negatively and positively. For some it’s been defined as the greatest gift  God has ever given the human race. For others it’s been known as one of the worst things you can experience in your life time. So which is it? Good or Bad? Truth is it can be both but never at the same time. Confused? Get yourself a drink and a snack it’s story time.

“You can only know you truly love someone when your love takes you far beyond yourself.” – Jenina Venerayan

Let me kill the so called myth by saying true love does actually exist and it is unquestionably the hardest thing I have ever had to describe. The feeling is nothing short of pure rapture.  I have never actually been high before but I imagine that what I felt was about a million times better than any feeling  synthetic drugs can create.

It’s effects on you are nothing short of life changing. Things that seemed impossible are now easily attainable, things that you hated, people you couldn’t stand no longer plague your mind. Bad news you receive seems trivial at best and worse news is tolerable. I even will go as so far to say to feel true love removes all of your inhibitors both mental and physical. It’s perfection.

A few years ago, a friend of mine had fallen in love with a man she and I worked with. Mind you I’ve known this women for the better half of 3 years, she was a hardcore pessimist. Even if things where going her way, she expected the worst to happen at all times. Once true love entered her veins everything about her changed. She became a super version of the women I used to know, her pessimism had vanished, she was upbeat, her appearance was unearthly literally. The woman practically glowed. It was an amazing sight to behold.

This was no different when it happened to myself. I was a big skeptic, I didn’t believe until I saw (I’m a New Yorker what can I say) and when I felt it. Things changed in me in an instant. Goals where being accomplished, my health improved, life was incredible. No other woman existed for me and no other man existed for my friend.

Unfortunately Everything Has A Dark Side…

As wonderful a feeling true love can and should always be. It can be one of the most painful experiences as well. The feeling is a bit more explainable, but still escapes a real definition.

“True love is like a teardrop in a rainstorm; you’re lucky enough to find it once, but you will never find it again.” -William Louie

Again the effects are life changing, just not in a very positive way. Some times I see others going through small and petty break ups and I can’t help but think what will happen to them when and if they find something they truly won’t be able to live without.

When true love isn’t in tune or reciprocated that incomplete feeling you get is pretty maddening. In fact it will drive you slightly insane and there really isn’t much you can do about it. It’s the reason people say “Love makes you do crazy things.”

Remember that friend of mine earlier that was practically glowing when the true love bug bit? Regretfully the feelings weren’t mutual and that is when things really fell apart for her. Her old ways where back but they seemed to be magnified beyond belief and she also adopted a very apathetic persona mainly to cope with her loss but I could tell it wasn’t working.

I was no different, except I didn’t kid myself when it came to how I felt. While I was apathetic to everything I never lied to myself by saying I no longer cared about who I am in love it. For her it was a very big denial thing while for me it was just a long period of mourning. What we both soon realized was that there was never any real coping to our loss but more of an eventual numbness that finally took hold years after.

While I can’t speak on her behalf I can tell you personally that there won’t be another experience like this one again. In my experience there are just some things you can’t replicate and that feeling of true love is on the top of the list.

In The End.

True love does indeed exist and I can’t really say many people actively seek it per say. It finds you. Usually at the most in opportune time of your life, and if you aren’t careful it can be excruciatingly painful. While I can’t tell you how to really guard yourself from it, I can only tell you what to expect.

It’s a feeling that has a wide array of outcomes. Some have killed in it’s name, others have even died due to lack of it(Yes you can die due to a broken heart), but very few are able to keep it in their lives. If you do happen to attain it at some point, make sure you do everything you can to keep it.

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