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The Ugly Truth Behind Sexual Harassment

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Hello everyone. It’s been a while (actually one full year!) since my last post and many people are probably wondering what’s been up. To keep it short and simple this blog is a hobby and a passion of mine I constantly have to put aside. However this year I want to dedicate more time to this blog and view it more as a business that I want to cultivate and grow other than something I just do when I feel like ranting. Having said that you guys (and girls) can expect regular content from now on, although I have not yet decided on the scheduling. This year is going to address a lot of topics that are going to be even more beneficial then last years, and will keep you safe in the land of women. In today’s topic I want to uncover a hidden truth behind sexual harassment that many men simply don’t know about.

Sexual Harassment & Feminism.

Sexual harassment is described as an unwanted or uninvited verbal or physical behavior of a sexual nature. In all respects it’s a pretty serious crime and can be socially crippling to individuals that are found guilty of this crime. Now most of us have already been taught what accounts as sexual harassment, be it from work, school, or that one white knight friend you have. However what most of us don’t know is that feminism is trying to weaponize sexual harassment by changing it’s definition and even by adopting sub terms such as “Street Harassment”. Which is a made up term created by feminist groups to further the agenda of a female ruled society. According to these groups street harassment is “any action or comment between strangers in public places that is deemed disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender or sexual orientation or gender expression.”

So why is this bullshit?

Well for starters this is based purely off opinion. Meaning I can accuse someone of harassment because I’m in a crappy mood even if the interaction was positive. Secondly this is how 99% of couples meet the other 1% is arranged. Their boyfriends and husbands approached them in public and formed a relationship from there. Since the beginning of time men have almost always been the initiators when it comes to meeting the opposite sex. Now for some reason it’s become a major issue for women but what exactly is that issue? The truth may not shock you at all.

The Truth Of It All.

The truth of the matter is women love being approached, but they hate being approached by the average every day man.  Watch any of the widely popular street harassment videos and look at the caliber of men that are approaching these women. All of them are low status males, horribly dressed, obese, etc and unfortunately for women this is the norm. Replace those guys with athletic and well dressed men and not a single woman would complain. Street harassment is nothing more than a double standard designed to discourage the average male from approaching women. While a bold move it’s ultimately proved to be a pretty stupid one considering more and more men are getting wise to idiotic movements feminist groups are trying to push on to an already female friendly society. Don’t fall for these tactics fellas, until next time.

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Nice Guys: How To Identify & Deal With Manipulators

Yes I know this post is way over do and forgive me for the late entry. You see this topic is pretty close to home and for years I had been trying to fully eliminate it from my life. To prevent rambling I had to kinda cut down on my experiences to one specific person because it was the most annoying.

If you are like me you probably hate manipulative individuals. You know… those kinds of people that have to control everything in their lives and in other people’s lives too. Do you know anyone like that? Chances are that you have at the very least four extremely manipulative people in your life. What’s worse is they probably take up about 90% of your daily routine!

So What’s The Deal With Manipulative People?

In short. They are attracted to power/control/advantage. The crave success in every avenue of their life. Not to say it’s a bad thing, but unfortunately most if not all manipulators are out for their personal gain…not yours. Psychological manipulation is a disorder used to described a person change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive methods.

Oh surprise surprise! It’s a disorder! I always felt people like this where messed up in the head. However there are positive variations of manipulation specifically designed to improve your life in specific ways. For example a doctor manipulating you to change eating habits to promote a healthier life style but for now we will talk about the whack jobs trying to run your life.

My Personal Experience…

I have dealt with manipulative parents, peers, best friends and let me tell you it’s been a freaking nightmare. I think the worst of the all was my best friend, as he threw tantrums, kicked and screamed like a little bitch every time something did not go his way. This was always aggravating to our circle of friends, and like a bunch of idiots we simply catered to most of his needs.

His main goal seemed to be making you feel like shit if you didn’t do what he wanted you to do. He was able to turn a mutual female friend into a fuck buddy, a old high school friend into a personal chauffeur, and the list goes on and on.

What is really amazing is the fact he makes you feel like complete trash if you don’t go along with his plans. So now you are probably wondering how the hell do you deal with people like this? Well since I couldn’t beat him senseless with a trash can lid I did the next best thing.

Taking Out The Trash.

Expelling manipulators from your life can be a bit daunting, especially if they are in your social circle. In my case getting rid of this one bad apple meant that I would probably be getting rid of the bunch as well.

Reason being is because if he was mad at someone the whole circle wouldn’t see them until the issue was resolved. Least to say it was a hard choice, oust the whole circle or just keep dealing with the same bullshit. I chose to get out in hopes that others would follow my example if they were tired of the bull crap as well.

It’s been a few years and I hear from some of the circle every now and then but I keep my distance because life has been less stressful. I’m free to do what I want, when I want, how I want, without having to walk on egg shells.

Final Thoughts.

Friends will come and go, that is just a fact of life. People love to say “Real friends will always be there”, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that is simply not true.

You see people change, and 99% of the time the change is for the worse. Those changes can bring you and your whole circle of friends to ruin and unfortunately that wonderful group was screwed up because of one person.

Life is too short to deal with people that want to run yours. The best thing you can do is simply cut those people loose and move on with your social life. There will be tons of new people to meet in your life time and you don’t need a manual on how to make friends. You know what kind of people you like hanging around so find em and do it.

After you successfully rid yourself of one manipulator it’s amazing how much easier it is to tell people about themselves. You start to develop what most people call a Honey Badger Mode. A good thing to have in today’s world believe me!

 

 

Nice Guys : Is It Better To Have A Friend With Benefits?

Stemming from my last post about sex, I wanted to address something every nice guy considers as a “lesser of two evils” when it comes to sex. That lesser evil is called many things like Fuck Buddies, Special Buddy System, etc however for simplicity I will call it Friends With Benefits (F.W.B for short). When it comes to F.W.B I can’t say I have experienced it but on multiple occasions the offer has come up as well as my view on it changing dramatically.

 When I was first introduced to the term I was in my senior year of high school months away from graduation. I was out with friends one whom of which was in college at the time. She had decided to introduce me to a classmate of hers, as expected of my social circle the young lady was charming and well spoken. At the end of our day she had received a phone call, it was extremely brief. She mentioned a time and place and promptly hung up. I was a bit of a curious kid so I said

“That was a short call, everything alright?”

She smiled and said “That’s my…FF.”

I gave her one of my patented -I don’t get it looks- To which she elaborated “Friends with benefits”. I asked her what the term meant exactly (yes I know I was a very naive teenager) and she was completely shocked that I had no idea what she was talking about. She put it as blunt as humanly possible.

“We get together and fuck…nothing more and nothing less. Just sex.”

 I was a little taken back by her definition but I showed that I understood completely by nodding and looking at the ground pretty quickly. I remembered trying to run the workings of such a relationship in my mind but simply could not wrap my head around the idea at the time. Two friends just using each other for sex didn’t just seemed immoral but it seems just flat out wrong. I guess my silence tipped her off and she said

“Don’t knock it till you try it…”

 I pretty much knocked it out right. I couldn’t imagine myself doing such a seemingly horrible thing to someone especially if I called them a friend. As time went on my views on F.W.B began to change, a steadily increasing number of friends began participating. At first I was a bit disappointed in all of them but I stepped outside of my own self righteousness just long enough to see why they where doing it. The one thing everyone had in common was that they were all hurt very badly on the relationship battlefield. Of course I didn’t see their point of view fully until I went through that exact same pain, no doubt that you too have experienced it and if you have I am very sad and sorry to know you’ve gone through something that has undoubtedly changed you’re life.

 My friends gave up on true love, they put their hearts and souls into the one they really wanted and it turned out wrong for them. The F.W.B option was the best way out of a sexually dormant life and I can’t really blame them after everything I’ve experienced with normal relationships first hand. It’s not a matter of giving up or even having an apathetic outlook on you’re love life. It’s a realization you get when you just know that you will not love someone to the fullest, or maybe because you will always have that wariness towards future partners, or even you simply just don’t have the will to try again.

So Is It Alright To Have Friends With Benefits?

In all honesty it’s still a choice I have yet to make. While I gladly admit that it is a sound solution for those that have had enough heart ache for a lifetime, I also can’t help but to think it’s still wrong on some levels. I’ll explain the best I can:

The Pro’s :

  1. Expectations: Both people know exactly what to expect. This leaves absolutely no room to be disappointed. There is no need to feel like you constantly need to be “new” “exciting” or “fresh” which is a great feeling on it’s own.
  2. Friendship: Having a real friendship means that you two can really be at ease with each other. You can go out have a good time, go home and have an even better time if you so choose. There is no pressure, awkwardness, etc.
  3. It’s Always There: True friends will always be there for you no matter what happens in your life. Just as you would be for your friends, there will never bee a period of “no communication” like the ones you’ve no undoubtedly experienced when you where in a relationship.
  4. No Break Ups: Imagine that! Never having to break up or be broken up with ever again. This one point alone was something that really makes me struggle with the subject. The feeling I get when I think about it is a like the feeling you would get if you never had to worry about money, food, etc.
  5. Something Can Grow: I’ve always believed true love grows from true friendship. If you can have a friendship with this level of closeness love can grow and turn into a truly wonderful thing.
  6. Pure Trust: Your real friends wouldn’t do a damn thing to hurt you in any way and the same thing should be said about you. High levels of trust allow you both to be as sexually free as you want, you can both try  and experience new things you probably wouldn’t even attempt with someone else.

There are a ton more pro’s I have running around in my head but for length’s sake I have narrowed it down to the top 6. If you all wish I can go deeper in detail about the pros of F.W.B.

The Con’s:

  1. Multiple Friends: Many people go overboard with having more than one F.W.B at a time. This in my opinion is a recipe for disaster. Just because you trust one, doesn’t me the outside parties trust each other.
  2. Developing Feelings: If by chance you or your partner catch feelings while the other one simply wants to remain strictly sexual it can put a strain on the friendship.
  3. Finding a relationship: It can put a damper on things if your F.W.B suddenly got a new boyfriend. This means it’s pretty much over between you two until they split. Also simply knowing they may be sexually engaged with someone else may be a total turn off for future endeavors.
  4. It’s a big gamble: If you become f.w.b with a close friend there is always that chance the friendship will be broke in some way. If the friend is not close there will be a lack of trust, it’s a lose/lost situation here.
  5. Jealousy: Some people really can’t handle just being friends with benefits, because they know if someone comes along they are pretty much out of the picture unless you are a cheater. Chances are if you are reading this blog you most certainly are not.
  6. Guilt: Stemming from jealousy, guilt can wreak havoc on your mind.

These are the reasons I have not made up my mind on the F.W.B issue but should you do it? I will say this you run great risk attempting this, but you also stand to gain a lot if successful. If I could make any recommendations towards this subject I would recommend that you and a very close friend discuss the possibilities. Protection is obvious but chances are with a close friend you wont have to worry about Diseases, promiscuity, and other hazards regular relationships have that you will need to be wary of.

It’s a completely different arena, and to be honest there is so much you don’t have to worry about but all those things are replaced by a slew of other things that can be just as damaging. However it’s not impossible to make it work, but my advice is simply to be careful regardless of choice.

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Nice Guys. Are You Putting Your Life On Hold?

I want to point today’s post toward a very difficult and sensitive topic for the most of us. In fact it used to piss me off when I had to address it and as much as I hated self reflection I realized no one else was going to do it for me.

Having said that I admit this post may indeed upset you, but remember that nobody else is going to tell you this stuff to your face and this will ultimately improve your life. It’s time for a reality check!

Putting Life On Hold For Others

We’ve all put our life on hold for others…it’s what nice guys do, but we also know deep down that it’s the stupidest thing for us. If you’ve ever put your life on hold for that special someone I am pretty sure it has blown up in your face and you are still coughing up shrapnel from the blast.

The truth is guys that this is a self destruction mechanism built, activated, and detonated by us. The destruction is on a massive scale because it destroys relationships, social life, confidence, mentality, physical appearance, and so much more all at the exact same time.

Now am I saying be a totally self absorbed ass? Definitely not, however you should have your own life, priorities, goals, and wants. We have a habit of trying to incorporate certain people into those things and when they leave (because that always becomes the case) we are left there trying to cope with the loss.

Have you ever noticed in break ups whether it be your own past experience or someone else’s that the one who did the leaving has absolutely no problem moving on to the next person? You may think it’s because that person is a cold heartless S.O.B (and sometimes they are) but the reality is that person has their own life and doesn’t include people that have not earned the right to be included.

The lesson or “morale” of the story is that friends, girls, lovers come and will most certainly go. However when they leave you cannot let them take your life with them.

Dismantling the mechanism

Destroying the machine can be difficult. Especially if you’ve been doing this all your life but it doesn’t mean it’s totally impossible. Take things one day at a time and start incorporating these rules into your lifestyle.

  • Alone Time: Everyone needs their space and you my friend are no different. Being around people 24/7 can drive the most patient people up the wall. I personally found that giving myself a healthy amount of alone time actually improved relationships with family friends, and girl friends.
  • You Take Priority: Give yourself  more priority in your life. I mean it is your life after all right? If you are enjoying a day to yourself and a friend calls you asking to come hang out if you feel like it by all means do so but if your dog tired and honestly don’t want to be bothered don’t be afraid to say “NO”.
  • Get Stuff Done:You know that thing you’ve always wanted to do? Take the time to accomplish those things. Get that six pack you’ve been wanting for the past couple of years, or go to that place you have always wanted to check out when you passed it driving to work. Nike said it best “Just Do It”
  • Solo Activities: If all of your favorite things to do involve friends or your girl friend. You are doing it WRONG! Every man should have at least 5 activities they find fun, relaxing and/or productive that they can do alone. Like I said what happens when those people aren’t there to do those things? Are you going to stay home and do nothing? Get some solo hobbies going ASAP!
  • Evaluate Individuals: It’s only natural for people wanting to be the center of your attention. I mean look at you! You’re a fantastic individual, but you can’t just let anyone be in your inner circle. These people need to have certain qualities and these prerequisites vary from guy to guy. Just make sure these people do for you, what you do for them. It’s a natural balance that everyone should follow.

Now hopefully you now understand where I am coming from with the whole “put your life on hold to make others happy” thing and realize it really doesn’t help anyone. Doing so only let’s people know that you don’t value your own time and they they can claim it whenever they want. Remember it’s OK to let others know that your time is too valuable to waste on certain things. If it hurts their feelings and you feel guilty about it know this… No matter how good of a person you are, you can’t please everybody.