Monthly Archives: April 2014

Nice Guys : The Benjamin Franklin Effect

Nice guys! How do you get a woman in which you are attracted to like you? Do you give them lots of attention? Treat them out to dinner? Shower them with gifts? Always pay for the bill? How often have you gone that extra mile for someone only to have it blow up in your face later on? What if I told you there was a fool proof way to properly gauge a woman’s genuine affection for you without you putting yourself in too much of a compromising position? Well wish no more nice guys I have just that for you today. This technique is called “The Benjamin Franklin Effect” and is today’s topic of discussion. Today you are going to discover how to use this effect to your advantage and see whether the object of your affection is even worth your time.

So what is this effect and why should I care?

The Benjamin Franklin Effect (BFE) is a psychological finding that says that a person who has invested an effort into another person is more likely to invest even more into that same person. So what does this mean? Think about every time you’ve treated a woman you like out to dinner, paid the bill, gave her gifts. Your initial investment into that person will usually lead to another investment. Which means more dates, fancy gifts, or favors for that person in addition you becoming even more attracted to them.

How does this help me with women?

Glad you asked nice guy! Now that you know the principles of the B.F.E, you can now compare and contrast your level of investment and hers.  If you find yourself investing where your woman isn’t you know for a fact that her attraction to you isn’t there. This saves you a lot of wasted time, money, and energy in the dating game and can even help you land a real catch quicker.

The method isn’t difficult and you don’t even have to change your current approach. All you need to do is pay attention to her actions to gauge her level of investment. However nice guys I feel I must warn a few of you when it comes to effectively gauging a woman’s investment in you. In no way, shape, or form should you take any kind of physical contact as an investment. Hugs, pecks on the cheek and even sex can are often misconstrued by the gullible.

True investments are her picking up the tab, getting you a gift, or even taking you out… Basically anything you’d do for her. Now while you may say “Well these things aren’t exactly what a woman should do for me.” allow me to drag you out of the 1950’s and into the magical world of equality. There may be some extremely old fashion women out there (never met one but hey) however I doubt you’ll have one that likes you and not do something for you just because. Keep in mind the B.F.E isn’t only for gauging a woman’s affections to you but it also works on friendships, family, even work related relationships. It may just change the way you interact with everyone around you. Enjoy nice guys.

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Nice Guys : Pedestaling & You

Image Credit : zahodi-vgosti.ru

Hello nice guys(and gals), today I have a bit of a treat post for you. Truth be told this subject has been on my mind since last week and I knew instantly that it was going to be my next post’s topic. Today’s topic is about pedestaling, what it is, why you shouldn’t do it and how it changes you for the worse.

We’ve all placed women on a pedestal at some point in time of our lives, but the average nice guy has a terrible tendency to do this on a regular basis. Now I’m not saying it’s wrong to be polite to the opposite sex but that is where you should probably draw the line. In this post I have a strange story of how a nice guy takes putting women on a pedestal to the extreme. His post is rather long so I will be cutting it up for the sake of length.

Our nice guy’s name is Thomas, he’s been married to his wife for five years but as of late things haven’t been all rainbows and sunshine. Thomas says:

Several months ago, we were at a low point in our marriage. I was always busy with work and didn’t spend enough time with her. She felt that we were becoming distant. Many arguments arose and our love in one another felt like it was dwindling. At this time, I had to go away on a business trip for the weekend. My wife was alone at home, with our problems unresolved, and felt empty. She sought to ease the pain with alcohol at a local bar. In a moment of weakness, she had an affair with one of the patrons. Immediately, the next morning, she called me in tears and told me what happened. I felt anger, betrayal, and sorrow, and found myself unable to deal with the situation. I couldn’t talk my precious wife for days.

Immediately, the next morning, she called me in tears and told me what happened. I felt anger, betrayal, and sorrow, and found myself unable to deal with the situation. I couldn’t talk my precious wife for days.At this point, our marriage was greater than it’s ever been. However, a life changing issue has arisen in past two weeks. My wife had been feeling sick and no common medicine seemed to help. As time went by, she began to question if perhaps her ills were a result of a pregnancy. Sure enough, we went to her doctor and he confirmed that my wife was now 9 weeks pregnant. A realization hit the both of us that given the timing, there was no chance that I could be the father. Therefore the pregnancy was the result of my wife’s affair. The news broke her heart, and has left me in a state of depression. Once again, the feelings of anger and betrayal arose, leaving me distant from my wife.

At this point, I’m not sure what to do. Horrible thoughts of divorce and abortion enter my mind every day, and I’m trying my best to suppress them. I have fears that if we have this child together, I might resent him/her. The man my wife had the affair with was African American, while she and I are both Caucasian. This presents another fear as it would be clear to the child that I’m not the true father. How would I explain this to him/her? How would I explain this to others? Many thoughts keep passing through my mind, and I don’t know what to do. I feel alone, both emotionally and spiritually, and am questioning why God has allowed this to happen.”

Now dealing with a cheating partner is never easy, and it’s especially difficult being a nice guy. After reading Tom’s plea I can’t help but think he has this woman on a pedestal and no matter what she does wrong he can’t seem to knock her off. Notice how Tom seems to blame himself for his wife’s actions, and down right says he has no right to judge her! The reason I’m choosing Tom’s story is not because it’s the worst I’ve ever seen but the least extreme.

This poor guy is essentially apologizing for something his wife did to him and blaming it on everyone except the person who did the wrong doing. This is the end result of pedestaling guys, it completely destroys your perception and makes you lose focus of what’s going on around you. Let’s break down the effects to be clear guys.

The Causes:

What causes a guy to literally go blind(love is blind? see what I did there?) when in the presence of a woman? Great question, here are a few  answers.

  • Because you mom said so: In today’s world most parent/s teach their men in training to  always respect women and be nice to them.
  • Reward: For some strange reason nice guys think that if they trip over themselves with the sole purpose of making a woman happy that it will some how land them together. Guys it’s a lot more complicated than that and I promise in another post I’ll break it down for you.
  • Attention: Nice guys hate being ignored by someone that they like. It makes them sad, depressed, and mad at the world. They will do anything to get rid of those feelings.

The Effects:

  • She can’t do anything wrong: Having a woman on a pedestal makes you paint them in a perfect light, so perfect in fact that if she did anything wrong it wouldn’t even register in your brain. Enter Tom…
  • You are no longer important: You stop looking out for number one, and just look after her. Again this makes you lose focus on what is really going on in your relationship. Tom again…
  • Everything is your fault: If she leaves you or hooks up with someone else. Some how it turns out to be your fault and your fault alone.

In conclusion guys you really need to step back and see if you have adopted any of the symptoms above and if you have you seriously need to reverse the process before you end up like Thomas. A middle aged man that has been married to a wife that had an affair and is carrying a baby that isn’t his. Somewhere in Tom’s mind she didn’t do anything wrong, and he has no right to judge her. Nice guys this is your fate if you don’t stop putting women you are attracted to on a pedestal. Stay tuned for net week’s post as always comments, questions, complaints, concerns, and confessions are welcome!

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Nice Guys : The M.G.T.O.W Movement & You

Guy-on-Cliff

Over the past few decades it seems that men and women have been secretly waging war against the opposite sex and if you’ve been living under a rock like I have this post will be of news to you! Yes ladies and gentlemen the battle of the sexes have officially boiled over and nice guys around the world are officially done. Wait? What exactly do you mean “done”? They can’t just be “done”! Well apparently  nice guys and men in general have formed a movement called M.G.T.O.W (Men Going Their Own Way). In this post I’d like to go into detail about the movement, what it means, and most of all why it was created in the first place.

So one might ask ” What exactly has so many guys so pissed off? “, Well I went ahead and did some homework (literally a years worth) I joined the movement in January of 2013. I literally felt like a war journalist tagging along with a special military unit for a week in the jungles of Nam. Now don’t get me wrong at no point in time of my journalism was I shot at but I often did come under fire. So what exactly is M.G.T.O.W movement and what exactly does it mean to be a part of it?

Well the M.G.T.O.W movement is basically a group of men that are literally tired of the world they live in. What does this mean? Basically I have complied a rather long list on what has brought so many of the nice guy army into this movement but for the sake of time I’ve toned it down to .  Here are the top  reasons men join M.G.T.O.W:

  • Rules : We’ve all seen it. In today’s age there are so many rules to dating, relationships, marriage, and even how to interact with the opposite sex. While normally I’d think this doesn’t actually make too much sense because any individual that is their own person would totally ignore all these “rules” and just be themselves. However my knowledge in psychology also knows that the average woman is 98% more likely to listen the popular opinion instead of make up their own mind. Yes it’s true look it up.
  • Feminism : This one wasn’t a big surprise but when I spoke to a lot of the married/divorced guys in the group I was shocked.  Over the past few years feminism has definitely stacked the deck against men when it comes to everything from simple interaction with women to marriage. It’s been considered one of the biggest things that have ruined relationships between men and women. There is so much more to talk about with this reason but I have to do it in another post!
  • RE-Education : Men feel that the past and current generations of males have brainwashed by today’s society to be weak, docile, and ultimately controlled by anything in a skirt. This was honestly a shock to the system because I actually felt like everything I taught guys over the years actually paid off! For years I’ve coached guy to be their own individual and it just seemed like they all gathered together here in the M.G.T.O.W camp.
  • Support : Let’s be honest here if you don’t have any support system in your life your kind of S.O.L. The men of M.G.T.O.W are there for you bro. Regardless of what you need help with, it’s gone from dating, to entrepreneurship, to help fixing your blender!  In all honestly I’m impressed with the amount of support members  give to each other.

The Veridct

So nice guys by now you probably have a few questions and to sum them all up it probably translates into “Should I become part of this movement and if so how does it work?” Well guys I will be brutal here. In my time with M.G.T.O.W I can’t say I learned too much that I didn’t already know. However I would say that if you are the type of guy that seriously struggles when it comes to women. I’d strongly suggest you take a look at what a lot of these guys have to say. There are guys that have been through divorces and are helping others get through theirs with incredible expert and accurate advice. I even ended up teaching a lot of the younger crowd about women so they avoid the oh so many mistakes they would of made without the movement involved in their lives.

Also keep in mind while ultimately this is something that would be a healthy addition to any man’s life be warned that supporters of the movement can come under fire by some seriously angry individuals. Will you get into a fist fight? Probably not but you will have your fair share of keyboard warriors that will fight tooth and nail with you online as if they where in a boxing match with Mike Tyson and the stakes where their very lives. One other thing I’d warn new comers about is the fact that it’s difficult in the first few months. The things you’ll learn will be hard to swallow(Just ask Luke), and lots of guys hearing it for the first time can be a little scary. I mean imagine a total stranger telling you everything that’s wrong with you to such a degree you’d swear they have you on a hidden camera somewhere. Yeah it’s that intense, but all in all I’d say give it a shot. Joining is as simple as searching the term online, for those that use reddit it’s even easier “/r/MGTOW“.

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