Nice Guys: Are You A Loser?

Hello everyone and welcome to November! I know it’s the last day of the month, but  give me a bit of a break here. I’ve been dealing with category 5 hurricanes, Thanks Giving with family, and life in general. Speaking of life in general I wanted to go ahead and discuss a very important topic. That topic is that question all of us ask our selves at some point in time.

“Am I a loser?

I’ve been reading the stories (way too many of them) and it makes me feel terrible that so many people are struggling with this question. Normally I have on that really sticks out in my mind but there are literally a handful that just make me wonder where these people are going to end up. Just know that if you feel like you are a loser this post is dedicated to you and your struggle and I hope it helps you in some kind of way.

Answering The Question

It’s never an easy question to answer, in fact it’s down right impossible because there is a part of you that is beyond bias and hates your guts. You see these kinds of questions pop up in one of two scenarios, bullying or self loathing. Neither of which are better than the other as they both lead to depression, isolation, apathy, and even suicide. The scenarios are tough to get through, and even tougher to identify and take action against. Are you being bullied or do you just hate yourself that much? Can it possibly be both?

Bullying:

Bullying has evolved over the past century from simple teasing at the play ground between children to indirect comments between adults. While children can be cruel, I’m afraid adults can be a bit more callous and cold especially in the kind of world we live in today. It’s not all rainbows and cupcakes out here. As an adult, boy friend, husband, etc so much is expected of us that when we don’t deliver we are deemed useless. The stigma of being a “nice guy” or “the 30 year old in their parent’s basement” all of these things can drive a person in these categories insane.

I think what people fail to realize is that we aren’t all given the same chances, even if we want to believe that it’s true. If you feel that everyone one has the same chance to be something go to a third world country and tell that starving kid to grow his or her own food,  go tell that homeless man on the street to get a job even though he is missing a leg, tell that guy in his parent’s basement to be somebody when he is trying is damnedest not to live a mediocre life.

It’s easy to tell others where their faults are, and what they should do. Until you step foot into their shoes. You can’t tell someone that is suffering that they will be fine until you go through that same pain. If you are one of those people that often make those comments, you should think about what you are saying and who you are effecting by saying it.

Self Loathing:

At some time or another I am sure we have all been hard on ourselves because of something. For some people it’s a bit more extreme then a simple internal berating. I personally still struggle with it because I am one of those guys that can’t stand to lose or get the short end of the stick. I used to always get down on myself about how I should of been faster, stronger, smarter, what ever. For a time I used to think that method pushed people to improve but in reality it can do just the opposite.

When you are always on the losing end and you get angry at yourself. You are more likely to flat out quit or develop a apathetic outlook on whatever new projects you undertake. This goes for relationships as well. Men and women alike who where always on the receiving end of a bad break up usually if not always have a very poor outlook on the next relationship and don’t put in what they should so they don’t get hurt. It’s a difficult thing to fix, but the first step always start with forgiving yourself in some way.

I feel this post was kind of all over the place (all the stories I read I wanted to address), but I was able to get out what I wanted to. To answer your questions about whether or not you are a loser, my answer is definitely not. Do your best to change what you don’t like, even if it feels hopeless. Take time away if you need to refresh your battery and get back to it. Never quit.

 

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