Break ups are probably the very bane of the heart. We meet someone, get to know them, develop feelings, think everything is fine, and take our hearts and proceed to the closest and dirtiest trash receptacle. Unfortunately if you where really into the relationship then chances are you are taking it very hard.
Ok so me and my girlfriend (ex) of 3 years just broke, up with really no reason, I’m afraid she found someone different, I am so heartbroken it kills me, I’m 18 and shes 19 and what bothers me is the thought of her having sex with someone else, just because of how I knew she acted during sex or the things she said to really make you feel like she loved you…. I feel so broken and need some tips. -Trevor
Trevor believe me when I say I know how awful you must feel currently and I must say if this is someone you consider your true love then there isn’t a whole lot you can really do to erase her from existence. However I will do my best to help you and other readers with some decent tips to not some much get over your ex but to accept that they are gone.
The 5 Steps…
Everyone who goes through a painful break up takes what I like to call rehab. I call it rehab because in essence your ex has become a drug of sorts and now that they supply has run dry you are left to fend for yourself. Here is a brief description of each step.
- Denial & Isolation: The first stage is always the hardest. You can’t believe shes gone and you don’t want to do anything unless it’s with her which isn’t going to happen unless she some how realizes she made a mistake.
- Anger & Frustration: Anger usually ensues after you find that they are doing just fine without you or that you simply can’t get the person from your mind. This stage can last months and make you more irritable in general. Basically you might end up flipping a table over because your favorite TV show isn’t coming on…
- Negotiation: This is a pretty crucial stage. Here is when you start trying to negotiate your way back into your ex’s life so that you can get your “fix”. Unfortunately it is counter productive and can last a few weeks
- Depression: I know what you are thinking “But I’m already depressed.” Well get ready for even more of it because once negotiations fail then you really start to get down on yourself and hit rock bottom. WARNING: You can get stuck in this stage.
- Acceptance: The very final step of rehab and the hardest one to get to. However this is the step I will try to get you to (hopefully in less time).
Dealing With It…
One does not simply deal with a break up. One really has to embrace it as it was a long lost brother that they don’t really want to hug but must simply out of formality. Below I have a few rules and guidelines that should help you through the 5 steps in a moderate amount of time without fail. I would say a max of 2 months.
- Be Sad: Yes, be sad. You just lost someone you care about and if you are going to try and pretend that you don’t give a crap. You will quickly find out that you will have an even harder time getting over her. Take the time to understand your feelings and if someone (even your ex) asks how you are feeling be honest about it. Don’t try and be some sort of tough guy. I’m not saying to cry with snot running down your face or anything but voice your opinion in a neutral manner.
- Stay Off The Ex Radar: I highly doubt you want to find out that your ex is happy with someone else, so don’t try to look them up, meet with them, or contact them. Yes I know this is extremely difficult but it’s better to leave them in the dark so they can have the opportunity to miss you and realize they let something good go.
- Hang Out Often: Although you probably don’t feel like being a social butterfly right now, you should probably take the initiative and hang out.I would highly recommend some kind of event that involves a large amount of people. Football games actually work great.
- Listen To Music: Listening to music can help you get those emotions out of your system. We often have a terrible habit of holding on to what we are feeling without some kind of release. This of course is incredibly unhealthy so much can be a bit of a relief for you.
These are tips and rules I have always used to accept a rather painful break up and I know it won’t steer you wrong. I must insist that you try your best to hang out, and again sporting events are probably one of the best methods.
Heck I will even help you plan ahead! Don’t think about it, just get your hands on some Auburn tigers football tickets , Arkansas razorbacks football tickets , or your personal favorite. Trevor I know you are in Birmingham so why not go check out the Alabama crimson tide football tickets just to help get your mind off. Hopefully this will help not only Trevor but so many others that are continuing to read along.