Nice Guys: The Dark Side Of Relationships


For the past couple of days since my last post I have been reading through literally hundreds of questions asking “Why can’t I get a girlfriend/boyfriend”. While I know some of the reading base is 25yrs and older but the majority is younger. These questions have really inspired me to share the darker aspects of a relationship. This post isn’t designed to dash your hopes and dreams of finding a fulfilling relationship(It is possible) but to bring you back down to earth on your expectations. I would like to further state that I think relationships (that actually work) are one of life’s real joys. Nothing really beats having a partner that is genuinely there for your total enjoyment and vice versa.

It Poisons The Mind

Relationships can really bring havoc and turmoil to a person’s mind. When a relationship ends, pain is usually associated with it. As a human being, your brain keeps those painful memories so that you don’t make the same mistake again. So with each new relationship you bring a bigger err of caution, apathy, coolness. You become desensitized to your feelings and others as well.

Unfortunately there is no “true” remedy for this because no method of coping with a break up is actually healthy. Those that jump from relationship to relationship end up hurting others and themselves, while those that take time to themselves build up emotional barriers designed specifically to keep people at a distance. It’s a lose/lose situation on all fronts.

Regrets Are Forever

Regret is an ugly stain on your mind. It’s often something that you will live with the rest of your life and nothing screams regret more than that relationship you wish you did not have. Contrary to popular belief anyone who says “They regret nothing” are a bunch of liars. How do I know? Because everyone has that closet where they hide their deepest darkest secrets. Secrets are built on pleasure, pain, rejoice, and regret. If you have a secret than you have a regret.

It Can End At Any Time

It could last a few week or it could last a few years, but the point is they won’t last forever. I’ve often heard the saying “Live for today” when it comes to relationships. However the point of a relationship is to have someone that has been, is, and will be there for you. To live only for today is to care less about your future. So applying that saying to your relationship means your relationship has no future as well.

It’s Not Love

I know I am probably going to get a lot of slack for this, but bring it on. I don’t believe in people “falling out of love”. In fact I think it’s a crock of shit people say when they don’t take the time to really ascertain their feelings toward someone. You have to think about your true feelings, then on top of that wonder about the other persons, it’s not exactly my idea of a fun time.

Now Serving #365?

Ever wonder just what number in the pecking order you are? Ever think about how many people the object of your affection has pleasured? It’s actually pretty scary when you think about it because most are so ashamed that they will lie about it. Some people say “It’s not important” but the fact is no one wants to be with someone who has been around the block so many times that it would make your head spin.

No One Is Immune

Cheating is fairly common today, and it can happen in so many ways. Sometimes it’s subtle other times it’s pretty blatant but the point is you will always have to worry about it. You see everyone has a limit to all things and cheating is one of them. If you have a high threshold it just means you are able to move yourself away from the temptation long for those urges to pass. Those that don’t…well you know what happens. The real question is if the person you are hooking up with has a decent limit. Most don’t.

In the end you really have to ask yourself if a meaningful relationship is really what you and the other person are after. In addition even though you may want one it doesn’t mean the object of your affection wants to. If it seems like they don’t try not to force a relationship in the hopes that they will magically change their minds. If you are single enjoy the lack of stress and the freedom.

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