I realize that relationships and the opposite sex can really drive a good guy insane, but what if it drives you to the point of no return? Today it seems to have driven one particular nice guy to the point of simply giving up, and if one is close to giving up than I know others are as well. So I would like to share a question I recently answered to help this nice guy get back on track.
“The thing is i know I’m a nice guy.. I have always been friendly and caring towards girls. I have always respected girls and not once looked at a girls cleavage area but I have only ever been seen as friend material.They only ever want the attractive boys who are bound to be arrogant.
In the past year i have had 3 gays ask me out and i have said no to each of them But now i just feel like turning gay. Girls always say they want a nice guy, they only want an attractive and unpredictable guy, so i just give up. I’m only 20 but it doesn’t look like anything will ever change. I have tried online dating but i don’t seem to get anywhere. What do you think? -Chris”
I think just about any nice guy out there can relate to Chris’s pain here, constantly friend zoned, contradicting wishes and the women who say them. If that weren’t enough even the occasional wink from a gay guy… I think that (If you are heterosexual of course) is when you hit an all time low. Believe it or not I was in the exact same rut as Chris, including the unwanted advances from men to which I never really understood.
So the question still stands…What does one do when they are on the verge of giving up on something that simply frustrates the hell out of them? In my experiences with women specifically I try to get the following in mind at all times.
- Lower your expectations: Not of what you want in a woman, but what to expect from them. It’s best to be extremely neutral towards women you meet in general.
- Expect nothing: Years ago I learned the saying “Expect Nothing. When you do you will find that you are never disappointed, taken by surprise, or left hurting. This is a motto I live by.
- DTA(Don’t Trust Anybody): The majority of people can’t and shouldn’t be trusted. This is not me being an asshole, I’m just stating a fact. There are women out there that will purposely mess with your head, get your attention, affection, love, whatever else you can think of just to see if they can do it.
- Become a super self: When you are focused on being the best you can possibly be, these kinds of ruts become extinct and people start flocking towards you naturally.
- Give what they deserve: I know it sucks but stop putting your absolute best foot forward. Be polite, but never go above and beyond for someone that has not done the same for you at any point of time in their life.
Following these simple steps can really cut down those “I want to give up” ruts, possibly even eliminating them completely. I think the problem is in these situations are that we have done so much to please others that we don’t understand how on earth we are so …over looked. We focus too much on what others are doing, what they have, and how we can be part of it. Stop, just do what you do and let things happen naturally.