Monthly Archives: July 2012

Nice Guys: Dating At The Work Place

I’ve been browsing the questions a good portion of them begin with “There’s this girl I work with.” and I already know where this is going. Guys (and girls who read this) there are places that you simply don’t tread when it comes to trying to form a deep and meaningful relationship. One of those places is at work!

Most people often tend to make their place of work their main social outlet, when this happens it soon becomes a place to hook up. I am sure you have heard the old saying “Never mix business with pleasure.” Well today i am going to go over in great detail why you should stick to this motto the next time you think it might be a good idea to hook up with someone at work.

The Business End

Everyday before you go to work, you get up, wash your face, brush your teeth, take a shower, put on clothes, and dawn your business persona. Throughout your work day you go to great lengths to be as professional as humanly possible.  However there are a ton of obstacles in the work places specifically designed to break down that no nonsense mask you put on every day. Let’s go through them.

  • Social Butterflies: These men and women LOVE to chat and plan after work interactions. Technically harmless but can be an opener to the next group.
  • Gossipers: These people have nothing better to do than to talk about everyone behind their backs. They have the latest “scoops” and if you’ve been talking to the social butterflies often chances are they have a little dirt on you too.
  • Saboteurs: Don’t laugh because there are people you work with that want nothing more than seeing out out on your ass. These people usually stalk you quietly throughout the day to get as much dirt on you as possible to get you fired. They will even seek help of gossipers to do so.
  • Bosses: These guys are there to protect their investments. NOTHING MORE. These guys/girls are not your friend and probably never will be unless they are trying to get in your pants.

Bringing It All Together…

So how do these groups come into play when it comes to dating at the work place? I am so glad you asked! You see the more socially open you become the more interest you will gain with the opposite sex. From that point the gossipers start chattering about those interested in you, and will even encourage the union between you two.

This news will spread like wild fire in the span of 24 hours guaranteed. From this point the saboteurs will keep a close eye on you to see what they can use against you. Once the bosses hear about the news even they will start to watch you like a hawk, then you can expect to be called into offices, strange work duties, and other things that should be a red flag to you.

Hazards Of The Relationship.

Oh you thought I was telling you not to date at work because of your colleagues? No! That was only a warm up my friend, the real reasons start here!

  • Constant Interaction: Let’s face it too much interaction in today’s society is actually a bad thing. People get bored, feel trapped, etc. On top of that you’re at work! Why put up with the hassle?
  • Everyone Knows: Not only does everyone know you date, but if things go bad they now know about those really private things you haven’t told anyone.
  • Women Cheat: Yes yes I know what you are gonna say men cheat too, but it’s a statistical fact women cheat with co workers. I know from experience as well. Now you have to deal with a cheating partner, a douche-bag co worker, and the normal grind of your job. FUN FUN!
  • Distractions: A partner at the work place is a HUGE distraction, you don’t perform at your best, and people are watching even when you think they are not.
  • Ta Da! You’re Unemployed: Conflicts, lack of performance, and distractions screws with everyone’s money. Yours, your partners, and your boss’s. The only remedy to this issue to fire certain individuals. Namely you. Women are usually warned, but guys are normally fired outright(Yes that is a statistical fact).

Finishing Up

There you have it, these are just some of the major hazards when dealing with love at the work place. Nine of out ten it simply is not worth the effort or the time. In addition you could end up losing a lot more than just a failed relationship, you will be losing money and employment if you are not careful.

Keep a professional demeanor at work, if the ladies take notice that’s all fine and dandy but make sure it does not go anywhere. No relationship, casual sex, or prolonged conversations. It is simply not worth it.

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Nice Guys: True Love Fact or Myth?

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I knew this post was going to come one day, actually it was pretty much a guarantee when I decided to put this blog together. Yesterday I came across a few different questions when it came to true love. Some asked if others actively seek true love, others asked if it’s just a fairy tale, and the rest asked if they will ever find it.

While I have my own personal views on love and true love. I won’t pretend that I haven’t had my run ins with this elusive thing. What I hope to accomplish with this post is simply enlightenment for all of you who happen across this post. This post is for the pessimist, the optimist, the cynics, and the skeptics.

What Is True Love?

True love has been defined in many different forms both negatively and positively. For some it’s been defined as the greatest gift  God has ever given the human race. For others it’s been known as one of the worst things you can experience in your life time. So which is it? Good or Bad? Truth is it can be both but never at the same time. Confused? Get yourself a drink and a snack it’s story time.

“You can only know you truly love someone when your love takes you far beyond yourself.” – Jenina Venerayan

Let me kill the so called myth by saying true love does actually exist and it is unquestionably the hardest thing I have ever had to describe. The feeling is nothing short of pure rapture.  I have never actually been high before but I imagine that what I felt was about a million times better than any feeling  synthetic drugs can create.

It’s effects on you are nothing short of life changing. Things that seemed impossible are now easily attainable, things that you hated, people you couldn’t stand no longer plague your mind. Bad news you receive seems trivial at best and worse news is tolerable. I even will go as so far to say to feel true love removes all of your inhibitors both mental and physical. It’s perfection.

A few years ago, a friend of mine had fallen in love with a man she and I worked with. Mind you I’ve known this women for the better half of 3 years, she was a hardcore pessimist. Even if things where going her way, she expected the worst to happen at all times. Once true love entered her veins everything about her changed. She became a super version of the women I used to know, her pessimism had vanished, she was upbeat, her appearance was unearthly literally. The woman practically glowed. It was an amazing sight to behold.

This was no different when it happened to myself. I was a big skeptic, I didn’t believe until I saw (I’m a New Yorker what can I say) and when I felt it. Things changed in me in an instant. Goals where being accomplished, my health improved, life was incredible. No other woman existed for me and no other man existed for my friend.

Unfortunately Everything Has A Dark Side…

As wonderful a feeling true love can and should always be. It can be one of the most painful experiences as well. The feeling is a bit more explainable, but still escapes a real definition.

“True love is like a teardrop in a rainstorm; you’re lucky enough to find it once, but you will never find it again.” -William Louie

Again the effects are life changing, just not in a very positive way. Some times I see others going through small and petty break ups and I can’t help but think what will happen to them when and if they find something they truly won’t be able to live without.

When true love isn’t in tune or reciprocated that incomplete feeling you get is pretty maddening. In fact it will drive you slightly insane and there really isn’t much you can do about it. It’s the reason people say “Love makes you do crazy things.”

Remember that friend of mine earlier that was practically glowing when the true love bug bit? Regretfully the feelings weren’t mutual and that is when things really fell apart for her. Her old ways where back but they seemed to be magnified beyond belief and she also adopted a very apathetic persona mainly to cope with her loss but I could tell it wasn’t working.

I was no different, except I didn’t kid myself when it came to how I felt. While I was apathetic to everything I never lied to myself by saying I no longer cared about who I am in love it. For her it was a very big denial thing while for me it was just a long period of mourning. What we both soon realized was that there was never any real coping to our loss but more of an eventual numbness that finally took hold years after.

While I can’t speak on her behalf I can tell you personally that there won’t be another experience like this one again. In my experience there are just some things you can’t replicate and that feeling of true love is on the top of the list.

In The End.

True love does indeed exist and I can’t really say many people actively seek it per say. It finds you. Usually at the most in opportune time of your life, and if you aren’t careful it can be excruciatingly painful. While I can’t tell you how to really guard yourself from it, I can only tell you what to expect.

It’s a feeling that has a wide array of outcomes. Some have killed in it’s name, others have even died due to lack of it(Yes you can die due to a broken heart), but very few are able to keep it in their lives. If you do happen to attain it at some point, make sure you do everything you can to keep it.

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Nice Guys: The Dark Side Of Relationships

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For the past couple of days since my last post I have been reading through literally hundreds of questions asking “Why can’t I get a girlfriend/boyfriend”. While I know some of the reading base is 25yrs and older but the majority is younger. These questions have really inspired me to share the darker aspects of a relationship. This post isn’t designed to dash your hopes and dreams of finding a fulfilling relationship(It is possible) but to bring you back down to earth on your expectations. I would like to further state that I think relationships (that actually work) are one of life’s real joys. Nothing really beats having a partner that is genuinely there for your total enjoyment and vice versa.

It Poisons The Mind

Relationships can really bring havoc and turmoil to a person’s mind. When a relationship ends, pain is usually associated with it. As a human being, your brain keeps those painful memories so that you don’t make the same mistake again. So with each new relationship you bring a bigger err of caution, apathy, coolness. You become desensitized to your feelings and others as well.

Unfortunately there is no “true” remedy for this because no method of coping with a break up is actually healthy. Those that jump from relationship to relationship end up hurting others and themselves, while those that take time to themselves build up emotional barriers designed specifically to keep people at a distance. It’s a lose/lose situation on all fronts.

Regrets Are Forever

Regret is an ugly stain on your mind. It’s often something that you will live with the rest of your life and nothing screams regret more than that relationship you wish you did not have. Contrary to popular belief anyone who says “They regret nothing” are a bunch of liars. How do I know? Because everyone has that closet where they hide their deepest darkest secrets. Secrets are built on pleasure, pain, rejoice, and regret. If you have a secret than you have a regret.

It Can End At Any Time

It could last a few week or it could last a few years, but the point is they won’t last forever. I’ve often heard the saying “Live for today” when it comes to relationships. However the point of a relationship is to have someone that has been, is, and will be there for you. To live only for today is to care less about your future. So applying that saying to your relationship means your relationship has no future as well.

It’s Not Love

I know I am probably going to get a lot of slack for this, but bring it on. I don’t believe in people “falling out of love”. In fact I think it’s a crock of shit people say when they don’t take the time to really ascertain their feelings toward someone. You have to think about your true feelings, then on top of that wonder about the other persons, it’s not exactly my idea of a fun time.

Now Serving #365?

Ever wonder just what number in the pecking order you are? Ever think about how many people the object of your affection has pleasured? It’s actually pretty scary when you think about it because most are so ashamed that they will lie about it. Some people say “It’s not important” but the fact is no one wants to be with someone who has been around the block so many times that it would make your head spin.

No One Is Immune

Cheating is fairly common today, and it can happen in so many ways. Sometimes it’s subtle other times it’s pretty blatant but the point is you will always have to worry about it. You see everyone has a limit to all things and cheating is one of them. If you have a high threshold it just means you are able to move yourself away from the temptation long for those urges to pass. Those that don’t…well you know what happens. The real question is if the person you are hooking up with has a decent limit. Most don’t.

In the end you really have to ask yourself if a meaningful relationship is really what you and the other person are after. In addition even though you may want one it doesn’t mean the object of your affection wants to. If it seems like they don’t try not to force a relationship in the hopes that they will magically change their minds. If you are single enjoy the lack of stress and the freedom.

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Nice Guys: How To Stop Being A Door Mat

Last post I went off on a small rant about people who kind of just lay down and allow people to walk over them. Specifically nice guys who get taken advantage of by certain women who aren’t worth a piece of paper blowing in the wind. If you happen to be one of those guys that get stepped on I am going to start giving you a few hints and tips to start reclaiming your dignity.

Back Bone 101:

If you consider yourself a door mat there is no doubt that you are desperately lacking confidence. Our job today is to get some ideas rolling in your head so that we can build that up asap. Here are some things I recommend you start doing immediately.

  • Start Saying No: Contrary to popular belief saying “yes” to everything isn’t going to magically make your life better. In fact saying yes usually enables people to take advantage of you. Try this exercise the next time you find yourself being asked to do something you don’t want to do. Respectfully decline, if you don’t want to sound like an ass the best thing you can do is simply decline with a “no sorry”.
  • Say It With Ya Chest!: Project your voice when you speak, don’t be timid, shy, and looking down at your feet. When you put some base in your voice people tend to take you a little more seriously than they normally would.
  • Take Self Defense: No I am not saying take a class so you can kick the crap out of someone(unless the situation calls…). Self defense builds lots confidence that can take years to really muster up by yourself.

Advance Assertiveness

I know I know. What about those people that keep nagging until you simply give in. This is where you get a little tougher in your declines, you see here are a few good things to do when dealing with people who won’t take no for an answer.

  • Because I Said So!: I get it, saying no isn’t enough sometimes. This is when you add in the word “Because”. Using this word along with whatever reason you want. It will cut the request short.
  • Repeat The Same Thing: Sometimes people are to dense to understand no for the first time. So what you do is repeat yourself (remember to use your excuse as well) when the request is asked. Repeating your decision will usually deter them from asking again.
  • Stay Neutral: Keep a straight face, don’t show anger, don’t show that you are bothered, etc. You keep a straight face until you got your point across.

Are They Starting To Piss You Off Yet?

What? You thought that was the end of the lesson? Let me tell you something, there are people out there that you are going to want to beat with a brick. If you are dealing with these kinds of people then you should seriously consider doing the following.

  • Create Distance: As annoying as this person is, chances are your about ready to beat his/her ass anyway. So you might as well create some distance between you two. If you live with em, depending on the situation kick em out or get out. If it’s your boss keep your interactions short and sweet. Friends? Make some new ones and limit your time with the trouble maker.
  • Voice Your Opinion: Nothing wrong with telling someone that there pissing you off and they might want to back off a bit. Not many people likes getting physical and if you are one of those types. Voice your opinion and leave. This will give the person or persons something to think about.

Life is too short to be used, manipulated, and stepped on by people that aint worth a damn. The first time may be difficult, but trust me after you start saying no, standing up for yourself, and not backing down for the first time. It’s gonna feel good, you might even get butterflies, hell you may even have an adrenaline rush. The point is it will feel great, because you know you don’t have to put up with anyone’s crap. Start putting these things into action today.

In closing I want you guys to know I am one of the nicest people on the planet, but I absolutely will not hesitate to tell someone off. I have flipped off bosses, I have kicked friends out of my house, I have insulted perfect strangers all in the name of standing up for myself. There are just moments in your life where people will try to take advantage and make you look like a punk. If you let that happen you will be dealing with it all your life.

Nice Guys: Men Who Are Door Mats

Guys, I am going to be honest. I’m a little bit pissed off right now. I came across a gentleman with a very serious quandary. To make a very long story short, this man has been married for a relatively short time (he did not specify) and has been having problems with his jealousy towards his wife’s past. Now this man’s wife is a bit of a…”Free Spirit”.

I’m not gonna sugar coat it, this woman has been around the block a few times. Which keep in mind guys is one of the biggest red flags that can ever slap you in the face. Any way, prior to hooking up with him this woman has slept with two guys in the span of 48 hours then adding him to the list with in less than 7 days.

They move in together, get a big place to prepare for the baby(Oh yeah…she is pregnant too). Until one day he comes home early to find his wife locked in the bed room with another man. Now at this point in time I would have left them both out on the street with the guy laying right on his ass! However our nice guy decided he would wait till the stranger left his house to talk to his wife.  WHAT!? If that wasn’t bad enough she refused to tell him who the guy was. Now he wants to know how to get past this incident and move on. Then it occurred to me…this guy is your typical full fledged door mat!

The Traits Of A Door Mat:

Just reading this question pissed me off to the point where I had to address this issue amongst anyone who reads the Nice Guy Blue Print regularly or happens across it in the future. If you have the majority of the traits that I am about to list, you are a freaking door mat and need to start changing things around for yourself.

  • Lack Of Self Worth: If you are one of those types of people that feel that you have nothing to genuinely offer the world. Chances are you will bow down to people you feel that do.
  • Extremely Passive: If you are the type of person to avoid any and all confrontation. I am not saying arguing is the best thing in the world, because I hate arguing…over stupid things in general. However If someone oh I dunno  screws your wife in your house you have a God given right to whip somebody’s ass!
  • You Won’t Stand Up For Yourself: If you find yourself backing down from situations even those that you are clearly in the right. You might want to wipe the mud off your shirt because you are being stepped on.
  • You Try To Please Everyone: You bust your ass day in and day out trying to make sure you please everyone around you even if they do not deserve it.

These are the average traits of what I like to call a door mat and if you even have one of these habits there is a good chance you are putting up with too much Bull in your waking life.  In the next post I will go ahead and show some ways to break out of these habits and start reclaiming some dignity. I have already instructed our poor nice guy on the next steps, but I am a little doubtful that he will stand up to his wife.  Time will tell.

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Nice Guys: Getting Out Of The Friend Zone

Continuing from yesterday’s friend zone session I have decided not to leave you guys hanging by thinking you are trapped there forever. Today I will be giving you guaranteed methods for getting you out of the zone. I must warn you though, this is going to take a lot of effort, discipline, and guts.

Teach Me Master…

 We got ourselves in this mess because of her perception of us.  We did things that branded us friend material, and although being friends is nice (I guess?) it’s not what we want. Here is a list of our first steps of our long hard road out of hell.

  1. Take Your Ball & Go Home: This isn’t an after school special or some kind of a play date. If you want her to see you as someone she can see herself with stop making yourself so available. This means stop calling, stop texting, stop treating her out, stop listening to her issues, and definitely stop being the guy who wipes the tears from her face. You need to remain off her radar for at least a month. No need to be a jerk or blow her off, just give her the “I’m busy” line(I’m sure you have heard it plenty of times too).
  2. Focus On Yourself: Having your own life is attractive to everyone. Start doing things that interest you, because if you are like most people. Chances are chasing this person around has left you in an unhappy state of mind. Start having fun again, work on life goals, get in shape. You are starting to get what I am saying here right?
  3. See Other Women: Before you even think it. Listen… I am not saying you need to be attracted to these other women what so ever. Just hang out with other girls and enjoy your time. This does a few things for you. It helps you understand that women are human just like you and me and thus become less intimidating, easier to talk to, and easier to walk away from.
  4. Reconnect: After a month or so she what she’s up to. Talk to her about things you’ve been doing and with who. Mentioning a female’s name or two or three usually advocates a little jealousy. Remember little to no contact for at least a month before reconnection.
  5. Make Flexible Plans: Invite her out, but make sure your plans are possible to do WITHOUT her. If she says no why have your night ruined in the process? A good example of this is to have a couple of friend and yourself head out to a movie, bowling, whatever. The key factor is whether or not she comes along the night is still going to happen and it will be HER loss if she declines.

It looks easy on paper, but trust me it’s a lot harder to implement depending on how much you want this. A lot of guys feel if they cut their time short, that the other person will “move on”. Let me tell you something, the more of a friend you are the easier it is for them to move on.

Best to just go ahead and start the transformation now, before you end up sitting on a couch eating a bowl of ice cream wondering why on earth you did so many stupid things that put you in the friend zone in the first place.

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Nice Guys: Are You In The Friend Zone?

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 Alright. So we all know being in the friend zone sucks for both men and women a like and in most cases it’s easier for women to free themselves from this barren waste land than it is for men. Today I answered a question asked by Mike about the friend zone.

Micheal Writes:

“What are some signs that you are being friend zoned? Please give me details, examples? Thanks.”

A simple question at best but the answer is not so clear cut. In fact this may indeed confuse some readers as they ever so slowly realize that they have been put in the zone that everyone hates.

Am I In The Zone?

Unless you just met the object of your affection it doesn’t take a genius to know there is a 95% chance that you are already in that zone. You see the friend zone is not a one person decision in fact it takes the actions of both people to decided whether or not you end up there. First let’s take a look at the mirror and this list to see our contribution to ending up here.

  • Too Accommodating: Be honest, do you find yourself being available every time she wants to hang out? This says to her that you can, will, and have dropped everything just to be around her. Of course she will like that when the time suits her, but other times it’s a big turn off.
  • Do You Brown Nose: To be blunt, do you kiss her ass so much that you need to apply chap stick? Are you always paying compliments, buying gifts, treating her out? If so I wish you could see the expression on my face right now, but this will have to do…
  • Do You Try To Impress: Do you constantly find yourself trying to impress her? Whether it be trying to sound intelligent, flexing your muscles, or simply trying to sweep her off her feet.
  • Did You Confess Your Undying Love: Did your bottled up feelings just kind of spill over and come flying out of your mouth in a barrage of jumbled up words of affection? …Yeah

These four points will land you in the friend zone quicker than you can imagine and if you have done any of the following it’s pretty safe to say you screwed the pooch on this one. However there is a way to fix it, but it’s going to take some serious time, effort, and control on your part. More on this later.

Pay Attention To Her.

Aside from you royally screwing up your chances by yourself, there are a few signs that she has already fenced you off from her fields of joy. This list should help you quickly recognize whether or not she see’s you as just a friend or someone she would like to get close to.

  • Say What?: If she talks to you about other guys, asks advice concerning other guys, or asks you about your friends that are guys then chances are you are a non factor.
  • Hanging Out: If she hangs out with you in the company of other friends, or your activities together include shopping, and other non romantic outings than there is a good chance she does not see you in the light you would like.
  • Financial Status: This is going to sound so crappy, but what a lot of women look for in a partner in their income. If you have none you have lowered your chances considerably.
  • Surrounded By Men: If her circle of friends are primarily guys than you are going to be added quickly. These men are no doubt the results of previous guys that have trap themselves in the abyss.

There you have it, all the obvious signs that you are in the bottomless pit affectionately named the friend zone. If you have checked off at a minimum two of anything listed you sir are very much there.

Nice Guys: Giving Up On Relationships & Women

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I realize that relationships and the opposite sex can really drive a good guy insane, but what if it drives you to the point of no return? Today it seems to have driven one particular nice guy to the point of simply giving up, and if one is close to giving up than I know others are as well. So I would like to share a question I recently answered to help this nice guy get back on track.

Chris Writes:

“The thing is i know I’m a nice guy.. I have always been friendly and caring towards girls. I have always respected girls and not once looked at a girls cleavage area but I have only ever been seen as friend material.They only ever want the attractive boys who are bound to be arrogant.

In the past year i have had 3 gays ask me out and i have said no to each of them But now i just feel like turning gay. Girls always say they want a nice guy, they only want an attractive and unpredictable guy, so i just give up. I’m only 20 but it doesn’t look like anything will ever change. I have tried online dating but i don’t seem to get anywhere. What do you think? -Chris”

 I think just about any nice guy out there can relate to Chris’s pain here, constantly friend zoned, contradicting wishes and the women who say them. If that weren’t enough even the occasional wink from a gay guy… I think that (If you are heterosexual of course) is when you hit an all time low. Believe it or not I was in the exact same rut as Chris, including the unwanted advances from men to which I never really understood.

So the question still stands…What does one do when they are on the verge of giving up on something that simply frustrates the hell out of them? In my experiences with women specifically I try to get the following in mind at all times.

  • Lower your expectations: Not of what you want in a woman, but what to expect from them. It’s best to be extremely neutral towards women you meet in general.
  • Expect nothing: Years ago I learned the saying “Expect Nothing. When you do you will find that you are never disappointed, taken by surprise, or left hurting. This is a motto I live by.
  • DTA(Don’t Trust Anybody): The majority of people can’t and shouldn’t be trusted. This is not me being an asshole, I’m just stating a fact. There are women out there that will purposely mess with your head, get your attention, affection, love, whatever else you can think of just to see if they can do it.
  • Become a super self: When you are focused on being the best you can possibly be, these kinds of ruts become extinct and people start flocking towards you naturally.
  • Give what they deserve: I know it sucks but stop putting your absolute best foot forward. Be polite, but never go above and beyond for someone that has not done the same for you at any point of time in their life.

Following these simple steps can really cut down those “I want to give up” ruts, possibly even eliminating them completely. I think the problem is in these situations are that we have done so much to please others that we don’t understand how on earth we are so …over looked.  We focus too much on what others are doing, what they have, and how we can be part of it. Stop, just do what you do and let things happen naturally.

Nice Guys: How To Identify & Deal With Manipulators

Yes I know this post is way over do and forgive me for the late entry. You see this topic is pretty close to home and for years I had been trying to fully eliminate it from my life. To prevent rambling I had to kinda cut down on my experiences to one specific person because it was the most annoying.

If you are like me you probably hate manipulative individuals. You know… those kinds of people that have to control everything in their lives and in other people’s lives too. Do you know anyone like that? Chances are that you have at the very least four extremely manipulative people in your life. What’s worse is they probably take up about 90% of your daily routine!

So What’s The Deal With Manipulative People?

In short. They are attracted to power/control/advantage. The crave success in every avenue of their life. Not to say it’s a bad thing, but unfortunately most if not all manipulators are out for their personal gain…not yours. Psychological manipulation is a disorder used to described a person change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive methods.

Oh surprise surprise! It’s a disorder! I always felt people like this where messed up in the head. However there are positive variations of manipulation specifically designed to improve your life in specific ways. For example a doctor manipulating you to change eating habits to promote a healthier life style but for now we will talk about the whack jobs trying to run your life.

My Personal Experience…

I have dealt with manipulative parents, peers, best friends and let me tell you it’s been a freaking nightmare. I think the worst of the all was my best friend, as he threw tantrums, kicked and screamed like a little bitch every time something did not go his way. This was always aggravating to our circle of friends, and like a bunch of idiots we simply catered to most of his needs.

His main goal seemed to be making you feel like shit if you didn’t do what he wanted you to do. He was able to turn a mutual female friend into a fuck buddy, a old high school friend into a personal chauffeur, and the list goes on and on.

What is really amazing is the fact he makes you feel like complete trash if you don’t go along with his plans. So now you are probably wondering how the hell do you deal with people like this? Well since I couldn’t beat him senseless with a trash can lid I did the next best thing.

Taking Out The Trash.

Expelling manipulators from your life can be a bit daunting, especially if they are in your social circle. In my case getting rid of this one bad apple meant that I would probably be getting rid of the bunch as well.

Reason being is because if he was mad at someone the whole circle wouldn’t see them until the issue was resolved. Least to say it was a hard choice, oust the whole circle or just keep dealing with the same bullshit. I chose to get out in hopes that others would follow my example if they were tired of the bull crap as well.

It’s been a few years and I hear from some of the circle every now and then but I keep my distance because life has been less stressful. I’m free to do what I want, when I want, how I want, without having to walk on egg shells.

Final Thoughts.

Friends will come and go, that is just a fact of life. People love to say “Real friends will always be there”, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that is simply not true.

You see people change, and 99% of the time the change is for the worse. Those changes can bring you and your whole circle of friends to ruin and unfortunately that wonderful group was screwed up because of one person.

Life is too short to deal with people that want to run yours. The best thing you can do is simply cut those people loose and move on with your social life. There will be tons of new people to meet in your life time and you don’t need a manual on how to make friends. You know what kind of people you like hanging around so find em and do it.

After you successfully rid yourself of one manipulator it’s amazing how much easier it is to tell people about themselves. You start to develop what most people call a Honey Badger Mode. A good thing to have in today’s world believe me!