I want to point today’s post toward a very difficult and sensitive topic for the most of us. In fact it used to piss me off when I had to address it and as much as I hated self reflection I realized no one else was going to do it for me.
Having said that I admit this post may indeed upset you, but remember that nobody else is going to tell you this stuff to your face and this will ultimately improve your life. It’s time for a reality check!
Putting Life On Hold For Others
We’ve all put our life on hold for others…it’s what nice guys do, but we also know deep down that it’s the stupidest thing for us. If you’ve ever put your life on hold for that special someone I am pretty sure it has blown up in your face and you are still coughing up shrapnel from the blast.
The truth is guys that this is a self destruction mechanism built, activated, and detonated by us. The destruction is on a massive scale because it destroys relationships, social life, confidence, mentality, physical appearance, and so much more all at the exact same time.
Now am I saying be a totally self absorbed ass? Definitely not, however you should have your own life, priorities, goals, and wants. We have a habit of trying to incorporate certain people into those things and when they leave (because that always becomes the case) we are left there trying to cope with the loss.
Have you ever noticed in break ups whether it be your own past experience or someone else’s that the one who did the leaving has absolutely no problem moving on to the next person? You may think it’s because that person is a cold heartless S.O.B (and sometimes they are) but the reality is that person has their own life and doesn’t include people that have not earned the right to be included.
The lesson or “morale” of the story is that friends, girls, lovers come and will most certainly go. However when they leave you cannot let them take your life with them.
Dismantling the mechanism
Destroying the machine can be difficult. Especially if you’ve been doing this all your life but it doesn’t mean it’s totally impossible. Take things one day at a time and start incorporating these rules into your lifestyle.
- Alone Time: Everyone needs their space and you my friend are no different. Being around people 24/7 can drive the most patient people up the wall. I personally found that giving myself a healthy amount of alone time actually improved relationships with family friends, and girl friends.
- You Take Priority: Give yourself more priority in your life. I mean it is your life after all right? If you are enjoying a day to yourself and a friend calls you asking to come hang out if you feel like it by all means do so but if your dog tired and honestly don’t want to be bothered don’t be afraid to say “NO”.
- Get Stuff Done:You know that thing you’ve always wanted to do? Take the time to accomplish those things. Get that six pack you’ve been wanting for the past couple of years, or go to that place you have always wanted to check out when you passed it driving to work. Nike said it best “Just Do It”
- Solo Activities: If all of your favorite things to do involve friends or your girl friend. You are doing it WRONG! Every man should have at least 5 activities they find fun, relaxing and/or productive that they can do alone. Like I said what happens when those people aren’t there to do those things? Are you going to stay home and do nothing? Get some solo hobbies going ASAP!
- Evaluate Individuals: It’s only natural for people wanting to be the center of your attention. I mean look at you! You’re a fantastic individual, but you can’t just let anyone be in your inner circle. These people need to have certain qualities and these prerequisites vary from guy to guy. Just make sure these people do for you, what you do for them. It’s a natural balance that everyone should follow.
Now hopefully you now understand where I am coming from with the whole “put your life on hold to make others happy” thing and realize it really doesn’t help anyone. Doing so only let’s people know that you don’t value your own time and they they can claim it whenever they want. Remember it’s OK to let others know that your time is too valuable to waste on certain things. If it hurts their feelings and you feel guilty about it know this… No matter how good of a person you are, you can’t please everybody.