Monthly Archives: June 2012

Nice Guys: Fighting Temptations Part 2

At the end of the night and when crazy urges had subsided. I had quite the revelation about the whole ordeal, what I had just experienced is something the average person would go through when presented with temptation. The burning question is how do you beat it?

Beating The Inner Demon…

As stated earlier temptation is a tough thing to beat, especially if you are the kind of person that rationalizes giving in. You know exactly what I am talking about…

“It’s just one drink.”

“It’s just a cheese burger.”

“It’s just harmless sex.”

 I have an example for everyone. The truth is rationalization is the gun that temptation has aimed at your brain. What’s even worse is you are the one pulling the imaginary trigger. After a a while it just snow balls until you become that alcoholic, obese fatty, or that leper nobody wants to look at. So here are some tools to help you immediately kick temptation in the rear.

  1. The End Result: Always keep the end result in mind. A negative end result will more often than not keep you on the correct path.
  2. Control: Remember almost nothing can happen to you without your permission. You can’t get fat, drunk, or in a sexually awkward situation without doing it to yourself.
  3. Evasion: It’s not just a ninja tactic, avoiding impending disaster will keep you out of trouble every time. Just make note of triggers (people places, or things) that specifically cause unsatisfactory situations.
  4. Is it you?: People will often say “try something new” and I am not against that in any way, but if that new thing puts you in a place of negative action then it would be wise to keep to your usual habits.
  5. Say NO: Nice guys seem to be afraid of this word. In fact they have an incredibly hard time saying it to anyone. It doesn’t make you a bad person to respectfully decline something you have no interest in participating in.

After applying these principles I rarely lose out to temptation and I have no doubts you will be able to do the same. You may be wondering what happened to Ms. Marie, well she did what she could, but nothing worked after that night.

I decided to do a little bit of research on my mysterious pal and discovered she was “baby crazy”. For those that don’t know, she wanted a child…badly. She needed light skinned gentlemen with good looks. Apparently I was a good subject for her project.

She eventually found what she was looking for, and I hear the guy is miserable as well. Now I can say without those tactics I may have fallen victim. Guys stay safe out there and consider the possibilities.

Nice Guys : Fighting Temptations Part 1

Being the nice guy can be an incredibly satisfying accomplishment. When people look at you they see the embodiment of everything good, wholesome, and decent!

However being the nice guy all day every day also has some terrible draw backs. In the past week I have had to do some serious battle with the horned devil I like to call temptation.

Let it be known that temptation is one tough son of a b#@! and it isn’t until you truly beat it that you start to realize certain things about yourself. Those things can actually be enlightening, empowering, or down right scary. So gather round boys(and girls) it’s story time, and I warn you this story will contain content not suitable for…you know what never mind you’ve probably seen porn more graphic than what I am about to share with you.

As you guys already know sex is kind of a big deal to me. So big of a deal that I do not do it casually…in fact I don’t actually do it at all. No I’m not a virgin but let’s just say I can count my sexual partners on a hand that is missing four fingers. Having said that many females I hang around with via close friends, family, etc know me as a “unattainable male”. For those that are wondering it’s a term women use to describe guys that are attractive but not easily seduced or sexually active. To me it’s a pretty sick and twisted game of cat and mouse, except when you are caught you get laid.

The New Girl Of The Group

A friend of mine once said that:

“There is nothing like corrupting an innocent person, it’s such a turn on.”

A few years back I was introduced to a woman named Marie, she was a very short girl and every man she passed suffered from a bad case of strained neck.

You see Marie had a very…very nice, round, and full ass. The picture to you’re right doesn’t do the half globe that was Marie’s ass justice. When the guys and myself met her they where eye humping like there was no tomorrow. Even now I think about why I didn’t do it too, but I like to think it’s because it’s nothing special and there was more to life. That and the fact that I didn’t actually find her attractive helped. She was pretty no doubt but there was something about her that I found…disturbing. Even today I don’t know what it was.

The girls of the group hated her guts, but I honestly think it was a big jealousy issue. Reason being is when Marie was around all the guys stopped what they where doing(except for yours truly). Around our third meeting it seemed that my lack of attention towards her was starting to make her a bit curious. She began direct conversations with me, trying to poke my brain and at the time I saw no harm in being an open book.

The Get Together…

As time passed and my eyes never swayed to start at that incredible ass, I think she found it frustrating. She began acting a bit differently, instead of sitting in chairs she would sit in my lap. Not that it was really strange as many of the girls have done this to me but I found it odd because we didn’t really know each other. The first time she did it I was in the kitchen of my best friend’s house it was pretty much a full house, if you wanted to sit you had to head to the living room which she normally did or simply stood against the wall.

However tonight was a little different. She had a habit of wearing skin tight sweats(she showed off her best asset at all times) and when she went to sit she sat directly on top of my package. I remember my area twitching at initial contact, which she responded by saying “Ooh…sorry”. While she said it I noticed she didn’t move or adjust, I told her it was no big deal and she giggled.

I realize now that she found a hidden pun in my retort. Obviously pleased with my length she tried squirming through all night to find out where my flag was hidden but little did she know I have had plenty of public erections and have learned to hide them well enough. Unfortunately at the end of the night she found it. Her soft bottom moved and squirmed so much that I couldn’t help but stand at attention. In no time at all my shaft was pushing against her left cheek.

“You are very comfortable.” she said.

All while moving to work it so that my shaft was right between her cheeks…she was a cool on alright. She knew exactly what she was doing! She knew I couldn’t just get up and walk away, she knew I would have to let her do what she wanted as long as I was at attention. With one quick movement she tilted to the right allowing my little friend to shoot directly between her ass and she scooted back a bit so that her back met my stomach and she could feel my entire length between her legs.

“That’s much better…” she said smiling this time.

I could feel my face turn red, all I could do was look down at the table and try to be more involved in the conversations we all where having.  Here I am sitting in my best friends kitchen with a woman that I barely know sandwiching my dick between her ass and legs.

I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it because I’d be lying, I felt everything! Her ass and even the folds of her more private area all through these thin pants. After a few minutes I could feel my own pulse down there, with every steady beat my member twitched. With every twitch I lost composure, I didn’t just want to have sex with this women. I wanted to sexually destroy her in every way possible. If murder where sex I wanted to commit it in the first degree…

The feelings where so strong it made me dizzy! I fought on multiple occasions the urge to grab those wide hips and grind myself against her. Why the hell was this happening to me!? (To be continued)

Nice Guys : Is It Better To Have A Friend With Benefits?

Stemming from my last post about sex, I wanted to address something every nice guy considers as a “lesser of two evils” when it comes to sex. That lesser evil is called many things like Fuck Buddies, Special Buddy System, etc however for simplicity I will call it Friends With Benefits (F.W.B for short). When it comes to F.W.B I can’t say I have experienced it but on multiple occasions the offer has come up as well as my view on it changing dramatically.

 When I was first introduced to the term I was in my senior year of high school months away from graduation. I was out with friends one whom of which was in college at the time. She had decided to introduce me to a classmate of hers, as expected of my social circle the young lady was charming and well spoken. At the end of our day she had received a phone call, it was extremely brief. She mentioned a time and place and promptly hung up. I was a bit of a curious kid so I said

“That was a short call, everything alright?”

She smiled and said “That’s my…FF.”

I gave her one of my patented -I don’t get it looks- To which she elaborated “Friends with benefits”. I asked her what the term meant exactly (yes I know I was a very naive teenager) and she was completely shocked that I had no idea what she was talking about. She put it as blunt as humanly possible.

“We get together and fuck…nothing more and nothing less. Just sex.”

 I was a little taken back by her definition but I showed that I understood completely by nodding and looking at the ground pretty quickly. I remembered trying to run the workings of such a relationship in my mind but simply could not wrap my head around the idea at the time. Two friends just using each other for sex didn’t just seemed immoral but it seems just flat out wrong. I guess my silence tipped her off and she said

“Don’t knock it till you try it…”

 I pretty much knocked it out right. I couldn’t imagine myself doing such a seemingly horrible thing to someone especially if I called them a friend. As time went on my views on F.W.B began to change, a steadily increasing number of friends began participating. At first I was a bit disappointed in all of them but I stepped outside of my own self righteousness just long enough to see why they where doing it. The one thing everyone had in common was that they were all hurt very badly on the relationship battlefield. Of course I didn’t see their point of view fully until I went through that exact same pain, no doubt that you too have experienced it and if you have I am very sad and sorry to know you’ve gone through something that has undoubtedly changed you’re life.

 My friends gave up on true love, they put their hearts and souls into the one they really wanted and it turned out wrong for them. The F.W.B option was the best way out of a sexually dormant life and I can’t really blame them after everything I’ve experienced with normal relationships first hand. It’s not a matter of giving up or even having an apathetic outlook on you’re love life. It’s a realization you get when you just know that you will not love someone to the fullest, or maybe because you will always have that wariness towards future partners, or even you simply just don’t have the will to try again.

So Is It Alright To Have Friends With Benefits?

In all honesty it’s still a choice I have yet to make. While I gladly admit that it is a sound solution for those that have had enough heart ache for a lifetime, I also can’t help but to think it’s still wrong on some levels. I’ll explain the best I can:

The Pro’s :

  1. Expectations: Both people know exactly what to expect. This leaves absolutely no room to be disappointed. There is no need to feel like you constantly need to be “new” “exciting” or “fresh” which is a great feeling on it’s own.
  2. Friendship: Having a real friendship means that you two can really be at ease with each other. You can go out have a good time, go home and have an even better time if you so choose. There is no pressure, awkwardness, etc.
  3. It’s Always There: True friends will always be there for you no matter what happens in your life. Just as you would be for your friends, there will never bee a period of “no communication” like the ones you’ve no undoubtedly experienced when you where in a relationship.
  4. No Break Ups: Imagine that! Never having to break up or be broken up with ever again. This one point alone was something that really makes me struggle with the subject. The feeling I get when I think about it is a like the feeling you would get if you never had to worry about money, food, etc.
  5. Something Can Grow: I’ve always believed true love grows from true friendship. If you can have a friendship with this level of closeness love can grow and turn into a truly wonderful thing.
  6. Pure Trust: Your real friends wouldn’t do a damn thing to hurt you in any way and the same thing should be said about you. High levels of trust allow you both to be as sexually free as you want, you can both try  and experience new things you probably wouldn’t even attempt with someone else.

There are a ton more pro’s I have running around in my head but for length’s sake I have narrowed it down to the top 6. If you all wish I can go deeper in detail about the pros of F.W.B.

The Con’s:

  1. Multiple Friends: Many people go overboard with having more than one F.W.B at a time. This in my opinion is a recipe for disaster. Just because you trust one, doesn’t me the outside parties trust each other.
  2. Developing Feelings: If by chance you or your partner catch feelings while the other one simply wants to remain strictly sexual it can put a strain on the friendship.
  3. Finding a relationship: It can put a damper on things if your F.W.B suddenly got a new boyfriend. This means it’s pretty much over between you two until they split. Also simply knowing they may be sexually engaged with someone else may be a total turn off for future endeavors.
  4. It’s a big gamble: If you become f.w.b with a close friend there is always that chance the friendship will be broke in some way. If the friend is not close there will be a lack of trust, it’s a lose/lost situation here.
  5. Jealousy: Some people really can’t handle just being friends with benefits, because they know if someone comes along they are pretty much out of the picture unless you are a cheater. Chances are if you are reading this blog you most certainly are not.
  6. Guilt: Stemming from jealousy, guilt can wreak havoc on your mind.

These are the reasons I have not made up my mind on the F.W.B issue but should you do it? I will say this you run great risk attempting this, but you also stand to gain a lot if successful. If I could make any recommendations towards this subject I would recommend that you and a very close friend discuss the possibilities. Protection is obvious but chances are with a close friend you wont have to worry about Diseases, promiscuity, and other hazards regular relationships have that you will need to be wary of.

It’s a completely different arena, and to be honest there is so much you don’t have to worry about but all those things are replaced by a slew of other things that can be just as damaging. However it’s not impossible to make it work, but my advice is simply to be careful regardless of choice.

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Nice Guys: Should You Be Promiscuous?

Having sex with a bunch of different women sounds like a dream come true and for many men it is, but is it really all it’s cracked up to be?

Sex is a very important part of life in many ways. It keeps the human race going, it’s great exercise, it connects up deeply to those we love.

However times have changed dramatically. Today sex has become to many individuals a pass time, a hobby, competition,etc. If you have a penis there is a good chance you’ve contemplated whether or not you should free your sexual inhibitions and lead a more promiscuous lifestyle.

In my experience I have juggled this thought in my mind for years and thought I have come close many times to simply saying “Fuck it”. My morale compass has always brought me to deciding against going through with it. It all comes down to whether or not you see it as an important act that will change your life. I have turned down 98% of sexual advances and have been heavily criticized for it by my male peers.

Unlike most guys, My brain doesn’t shut down at the sight of a great pair of breasts and a firm round ass. It actually does the very opposite by bringing up what I like to call “The List”. Allow me to walk you through it.

  • Do you trust this woman: I learned at a very young age the term DTA: Don’t Trust Anybody (Forward to 2:45 in the video). Most of these encounters have been with strangers/co workers and they have done nothing to make me trust them in any way.
  • Could you have children with this women : It’s one thing to be a father(which I will be a great one) but to be a father with a woman you have absolutely zero interest in is a life of misery in my opinion.
  • How many men do you think she has done this to: This one is critical because I would be a complete jack ass to believe this is the very first time any of the women in these encounters decided to be so blunt in their requests.
  • Is she clean:An intuitive guy can spot a dirty female a mile away. Her appearance, mannerisms, etc are dead giveaways.
  • Does she have kids: It may seem screwed up, but the truth is a single mom that is trying to get in your pants is not exactly the type of person that has her priorities in order. Yes everyone deserves love and all but I have my standards and so should you.

All of this runs through my mind in less than 5 seconds, and if the results are not satisfactory sex is pretty much a no go. The truth is I value not only myself, but the person in question and sex itself. Yes I have and will miss out on countless opportunities and it would bother me if sex actually ruled my world.

While it’s true that we only live once. I would have to say I would like to live without as many regrets as possible. I can’t take back STD’s, children, and all the other hazards that come with being a promiscuous man so I simply choose not to.

What you do is ultimately up to you. I can’t say I recommend the life style but if you decide to participate do it as safely as humanly possible. Keep protection with you at ALL times, never be caught without it. Get yourself test after every encounter, it’s one thing to have something but it’s another thing to ruin someone else life because you didn’t know you where infected.

Nice Guys. Are You Putting Your Life On Hold?

I want to point today’s post toward a very difficult and sensitive topic for the most of us. In fact it used to piss me off when I had to address it and as much as I hated self reflection I realized no one else was going to do it for me.

Having said that I admit this post may indeed upset you, but remember that nobody else is going to tell you this stuff to your face and this will ultimately improve your life. It’s time for a reality check!

Putting Life On Hold For Others

We’ve all put our life on hold for others…it’s what nice guys do, but we also know deep down that it’s the stupidest thing for us. If you’ve ever put your life on hold for that special someone I am pretty sure it has blown up in your face and you are still coughing up shrapnel from the blast.

The truth is guys that this is a self destruction mechanism built, activated, and detonated by us. The destruction is on a massive scale because it destroys relationships, social life, confidence, mentality, physical appearance, and so much more all at the exact same time.

Now am I saying be a totally self absorbed ass? Definitely not, however you should have your own life, priorities, goals, and wants. We have a habit of trying to incorporate certain people into those things and when they leave (because that always becomes the case) we are left there trying to cope with the loss.

Have you ever noticed in break ups whether it be your own past experience or someone else’s that the one who did the leaving has absolutely no problem moving on to the next person? You may think it’s because that person is a cold heartless S.O.B (and sometimes they are) but the reality is that person has their own life and doesn’t include people that have not earned the right to be included.

The lesson or “morale” of the story is that friends, girls, lovers come and will most certainly go. However when they leave you cannot let them take your life with them.

Dismantling the mechanism

Destroying the machine can be difficult. Especially if you’ve been doing this all your life but it doesn’t mean it’s totally impossible. Take things one day at a time and start incorporating these rules into your lifestyle.

  • Alone Time: Everyone needs their space and you my friend are no different. Being around people 24/7 can drive the most patient people up the wall. I personally found that giving myself a healthy amount of alone time actually improved relationships with family friends, and girl friends.
  • You Take Priority: Give yourself  more priority in your life. I mean it is your life after all right? If you are enjoying a day to yourself and a friend calls you asking to come hang out if you feel like it by all means do so but if your dog tired and honestly don’t want to be bothered don’t be afraid to say “NO”.
  • Get Stuff Done:You know that thing you’ve always wanted to do? Take the time to accomplish those things. Get that six pack you’ve been wanting for the past couple of years, or go to that place you have always wanted to check out when you passed it driving to work. Nike said it best “Just Do It”
  • Solo Activities: If all of your favorite things to do involve friends or your girl friend. You are doing it WRONG! Every man should have at least 5 activities they find fun, relaxing and/or productive that they can do alone. Like I said what happens when those people aren’t there to do those things? Are you going to stay home and do nothing? Get some solo hobbies going ASAP!
  • Evaluate Individuals: It’s only natural for people wanting to be the center of your attention. I mean look at you! You’re a fantastic individual, but you can’t just let anyone be in your inner circle. These people need to have certain qualities and these prerequisites vary from guy to guy. Just make sure these people do for you, what you do for them. It’s a natural balance that everyone should follow.

Now hopefully you now understand where I am coming from with the whole “put your life on hold to make others happy” thing and realize it really doesn’t help anyone. Doing so only let’s people know that you don’t value your own time and they they can claim it whenever they want. Remember it’s OK to let others know that your time is too valuable to waste on certain things. If it hurts their feelings and you feel guilty about it know this… No matter how good of a person you are, you can’t please everybody.